Cure For Global Warming – Invade Canada!

If “Blame Canada” is right, the answer must be “Invade Canada”!

Seriously!

Look, we’re about to shut down the world economy and toss all liberties and rights into the trash can for the benefit of the Global Warming Agenda, largely driven by the way Canada is so horridly hot and red in the GISS Maps.

GISS Anomaly map for November 2009

GIS Anomaly Map for November 2009

The “hot” Arctic is easily explained as an artifact of how the baseline data were selected (see the Benchmarking The Baseline posting for more on that) as this graph of “baseline vs all-data” shows they picked a time of cold Arctic temps for the baseline:

GISS Default baseline 1951-1980 vs All Data

GISS Default baseline 1951-1980 vs All Data. A bit cold.

So why “Invade Canada?” Well… In looking at the Canadian data from GHCN I’d found a lot of irregularities and things that just looked very wrong. Add in the “M” issue where dropped M for Minus in Metar records have some Canadian readings that ought to be Minus degrees turned into positive degrees… then I was looking at this article:

http://diggingintheclay.blogspot.com/2010/05/canada-5-warming-north-of-border.html (that you really ought to read) and saw this image:

Canada Hot At The Border

Canada Hot At The Border

It’s pretty darned clear that just over the border in Canada, they can not manage their thermometers correctly. I don’t think there is a giant wall of heat just over the border in Canada, kept out of the USA by fear of our chilly reception!

Now look, I’m not one to holler “Weapons of Mass Destruction” at the drop of a hat, but the Canadian heat is being used as a weapon to destroy economies all over the world! Heck, we’ve invaded lots of other countries for much smaller reasons before. Panama, just because some dictator was selling us low quality drugs, or charging too much, or wouldn’t let the CIA use the airports at the same time, or some such. Then that bunch of college kids at a medical school in Grenada (or Grenadine, or something that sounded like a fruit drink…) down near Jamaica. I wont even mention the misc. Middle Eastern countries we’ve invaded or intimidated into compliance (mostly because I can’t remember them all nor spell their names right. All the “icky-stans”… ) so the ‘hurdle’ is set pretty darned low.

So look, we just take over for a little while and put our thermometers up there. We wouldn’t need to change anything else. And the folks up there won’t mind. We could even give them free access to our medical system so they could get patched up before ours gets turned into something as slow as theirs. I’m sure they would be happy with the deal. Besides, they could all run down to Florida and get warm for a while and wouldn’t even need a passport. Heck, the Cubans and Haitians don’t need one and the Mexicans don’t bother either, so I’m sure the Canadians wouldn’t be bothered.

And our troops ought to be able to handle the initial assault on Canada without too many casualties, even if they are met with a hail of fiery “Pardon?” “Oh, sorry, would you like past?” “Eh? You need a place to stay? Sure, sure, no problem… hate to be a bother, but when do you take your tea?”

If they promised to run their thermometers right, we could even give the place back to them in a bit, once the crisis was over. And assuming, of course, that they wanted it back. I mean, once they’ve bought a condo in Florida (quite cheap at the moment, by the way) they might not want to take it back… but we can cross that bridge when we come to it. Most countries we invade get a few $Billion out of us. So with 33 million people, 33 billion would give $1000 each. I know it’s not much, but it might be enough to convince them to let us leave in a few years. Well, that, and letting them keep the condo in Miami for free…

It’s a hard choice, but something we MUST do to “save the planet”. So take a deep breath, and realize we simply have no other reasonable choice. Global Warming is destroying Canada; and through them the rest of the world, and we can fix it. Do it “For the Children”…

Conclusion

I’m sure it ought not to need it, but the world is a large place… full of all sorts. So if you didn’t catch it: This is a humor piece.

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About E.M.Smith

A technical managerial sort interested in things from Stonehenge to computer science. My present "hot buttons' are the mythology of Climate Change and ancient metrology; but things change...
This entry was posted in AGW GIStemp Specific, Favorites, Human Interest and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Cure For Global Warming – Invade Canada!

  1. Ken McMurtrie says:

    Hi EM.
    Once again thanks for your excellent efforts.
    Although only associated by the word “Canada”, I thought that you might be sufficiently interested in justice in general, or perhaps, more to the point, injustices, for this wordpress item to be of interest.
    http://tipggita32.wordpress.com/2010/05/19/leaked-recording-at-uscanada-crossing/

  2. Amino Acids in Meteorites says:

    Shouldn’t we be invading GISS instead??

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  4. Sinan Unur says:

    Hi E.M.:

    Excellent post! ;-)

    Regarding missing thermometers: I just finished putting together a 300 year month-by-month animation of locations of stations with data in the GHCN unadjusted v2.mean file. I posted the video and a few remarks at http://blog.qtau.com/2010/05/dude-where-is-my-thermometer.html

    Enjoy.

    I am going to post the code over the weekend.

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  7. Sinan Unur says:

    Well, so much for schedules. Here is the code:

    http://www.unur.com/climate/ghcn-station-locations/

  8. E.M.Smith says:

    @Ken McMurtrie:

    Unfortunately, that audio is substantially identical to what is happening all over the world all the time from all police agencies of the world. There is nothing unique about it. It is part of the standard training of police and that training is orthogonal to what the ‘typical’ person suspects.

    It is the same reason why Lord Monckton was shoved to the ground and knocked unconscious by a policeman in Denmark. It is part of why a friend had a diamond pried from a ring (and lost on the floor of a Iranian customs station). It is part of why every day thousands of folks are arrested for asking in an “uppity tone of voice” “Why?”.

    I came very close to it once. I was walking along a street in Santa Clara and a policeman was approaching telling everyone to leave the street. I was curious and wanted to know was it a bomb or a poison gas or what. So I said ( luckily in a very humble and polite voice) “I’m curious as to why?”. The officer responded with “This is an unlawful assembly, you must leave the street now”. I then pushed my luck to the limit (but stayed on the right side…) by saying “Oh, OK. Well I’ll head back home then. But, what’s the unlawful part and what happens if someone doesn’t leave?” The officer looked at me with that “Why did *I* have to choose to work in Geek Central” look and said “Because I said so and they go to jail.” To which I said “Thanks, I’ll be on my way now.” And rapidly went home…

    The key thing is that ALL police are trained that anything other than immediate and complete polite submission is to be met with escalation of force until compliance is attained. As soon as someone fails to back down and instead enters the ‘match for match’ behaviours, it’s off to the paddy wagon…

    So your border guy made the mistake of not being submissive and polite to the officer at the border, he dumps the guy to the back room. Then he makes the mistake of becoming MORE irate, not less. (Remember, FAIRNESS is not part of the process. It is raw power dominance and submission. Period.)

    BTW, excessive asking of “why” and asking for justification and attempting to derail the process into a debate is one of the things that officers are specifically trained to watch for. It indicates either someone attempting to create an event (an agent provocateur) or someone who’s in the early stages of escalation.

    Now the sad thing is not at all that this (purportedly) happened at the Canadian / US border, but that it happens reliably and repeatedly all over the world at every place where police interact with “plain folks” who don’t understand that their idea of “normal give the clerk grief for bad service” is a very close match to “I’m a person on the early ramp up to out of control” and a clear match to “I am not being subservient”. And that police are trained to escalate in that context until either the person submits or is subdued. Period.

    Bottom line: Never give grief to the police. Period.

    And no, I don’t know of a better way. I’ve been a ‘junior police’ before and know what they have to put up with. 99% of the time minor grief does get ignored. But 1 in 100 it gets you nailed. All depends on the officer and the context.

    BTW, it is highly suspicious to me that the sound of the guy is very loud and that of the officer is less loud. Most folks don’t run voice recorders as they go to the border check point. It was clearly a recorder on the guy. Leads me to strongly suspect a ‘set up’.

    Also, we don’t have the video. Was there something in the visuals that DID justify the officers? We don’t and won’t ever know. But imagine the guy puffing out his chest, looking a bit wild eyed, maybe even flipping the bird; all while fairly modestly saying “Why?”. Changes the whole thing… And what about if the poor sot matches that days poster for Terrorist du Jour? Need to go inside for an ID check.

    So my dominant response to the clip is “OK, that’s sort of normal, maybe a bit overreactive but we don’t have the visuals to know what other clues were being seen by the cops” and my secondary response is “Would be nice to know if this is a set up, there is indicia for it.” And my third level response is “Would be nice if folks realized this happens everywhere all the time, nothing at all new or unique here. It’s worse in just about anywhere 3rd world or any dictatorship or communist country.” And somewhere way down the list is “Wish it wasn’t that way and we could all just be polite to each other”. A bit after that is “Wish more folks knew this so they would not accidentally trigger the ‘escalate on resistance’ behaviours”.

    So the bottom line for me is that it’s a mildly interesting clip just in what it shows about what border guards must go through all day. It’s not at all an ‘outrage’ to me. It’s absolutely to be expected. (Note: I’m not saying “Approved”, just expected…) If the guy had either said “We were thinking of Macys” or “We don’t know, just want to walk the mall looking for a nice dress” he probably would have been done… But he went “off page” from typical shopping tourist and into ‘uppity and emotive’ and that starts an inevitable escalation…

    Maybe I’m just getting jaded about it all…

    FWIW I once had an interesting “exchange” with a Canadian border guard going the other way… I was a college student then and with long hair. A few questions into it I think he figured out I was a geek not a stoner, but it took him a while…

  9. E.M.Smith says:

    @AAinM: Well, I’d settle for scuttle GISS… and start over.

    @Sinan Unur: Thanks! I’ll have a look at it a bit later. Right now I’m going to take a lunch break and visit my garden that actually has a bit of sun today. It’s been a week or three…

  10. Bernie says:

    Could you also please invade Australia (That’s that big land mass a fair bit south of China and about the same size as Canada) and effect a regime change. Our present leadership tried to destroy our economy with an emissions trading scheme. When denied that it found other ways to do the wrecking. We could use a few of your billions after we surrender.

  11. JRR Canada says:

    I like , please invade, but only if you promise to place our climate bedwetters on some no name island north of Axle Heiberg in winter. We can’t do it, our air force is in Afganistan and we have no icebreakers we can afford to fuel.Our navy does not travel in the arctic, can you bring yours?

  12. Sinan Unur says:

    @E.M.Smith Observation counts for all countries http://www.unur.com/climate/ghcn-v2/observations/

  13. papertiger says:

    Hey Unur.

    Remember awhile back you posted the link to ghcn v2. Was that 3 years ago? Time flies.
    Anyhow I had a harddrive crash and lost your link. Thanks for checking in with it.
    http://www.unur.com/climate/ghcn-v2/

    Good to have you back on the blogroll where you belong. For E.M. and others, once you read through and see what Sinan has done, kick the tires on his program a little bit, you will find it well worth your time.

  14. E.M.Smith says:

    @Bernie: Well, OK, but you’re the last one… Everyone else will have to take a number ;-)

    @JRR in Canada: You have an airforce? Who knew? ;-)

    BTW, I don’t think we need to “bring our navy”, it seems to regularly travel in the arctic. Both subs and surface. We even have a unit assigned the task of cruising every ocean at the legal limit to assure we’ve made it known our (ships) balls are bigger than everyone else’s … So I’m sure we already have a few ships and subs in the arctic. Unless, of course, you think we need to bring them to deliver the money… Oh, pardon, but when do you take tea? We’d not want to arrive at an unfortunate moment ;-)

  15. taboo says:

    Hmm. Might it perhaps be due to the difference in how the calculations are done. I assume Canada qualifies as “rest of world” rather than US in GISS code. I’d also be curious whether the homogenization adjustments are done cross-border, or boxed in by country.

    As well, looking at the map, it appears that the stations correspond rather well to where the population centers are.
    ie Most of the population lives along the border. Perhaps a surface stations Canada is in order.

    Oh, and I second the motion to invade. Please?

  16. Dave McK says:

    Holy chao!
    Well, you know the Metar Effect only kicks in where temps go below zero?
    In C, they go below zero at 32F.

  17. Dave McK says:

    Ha ha- I just read the comment about the border guards. I listened to the vid last week.
    They were pigs. I’m not jaded.

    Did you ever read The Seven Faces of Dr Lao? If you thought he was a cowboy, he was a cowboy, talked like a cowboy about cowboyey things. If you thought he was a dumb chinaman, then he was and could barely speak English. Whatever you were prepared to believe, he knew and played to it. It’s one of the best techniques of infiltration, to be identified as what you want, which you can do by means of selected topic, attitude and vocabulary, in conversation, and with additional visual props on the street. There are many roles besides wolf or sheep.

    Border guards are self selecting for stupid and obnoxious.
    On the Canadian side, they are overpopulated with dykes.
    When they stopped me, they cut the rigging in my truck just to be stupid and decided it was too much to search, so they ordered me to turn around.
    They thought they could scare me into abject obedience.
    They stood there, all six, looking all fierce while I retied the riggings and told them if they thought they could order me on the road with unsafe lading they were just plain stupid.
    I’m not pc, or jaded. I’m always outraged by thugs. I don’t feel compelled to react as they wish, though.
    Then head dyke came out with some papers she wanted me to sign. Orly? Dun think so.
    It was an official Federal Exclusion Order- great stuff for my scrapbook.
    I told her there was 3000 miles of border, did she really think she could keep me out?
    She didn’t have an answer.
    I put the stuff in storage, then and crossed the border later in the week, with my lovely exclusion order in my briefcase.

    Oh, I could tell you stories about how refusal to submit never fails to cost them a thousand times more than kissing their badge. I break their bank.

    Lol- the last time I got a traffic stop – in Tiburon – the cop stuck his stupid flashlight in my face so I covered the lens.
    He jumped back and said “you know your eyes are like pinpoints- are you on drugs?” To which I replied: “maybe it’s because you just scalded my retina with half a million candle power and depleted my rhodopsin, did you think of that?”
    It was all yessir and nosir after that, buddy.

    Oh- ask the Chief at Tiburon who’s his daddy, too. We had a chat once about the Chief Finance Officer at BofA, there, another dyke, whose crackhead g/f got my bank card in her mailbox by accident and emptied the account- then mistakenly deposited her child welfare check in the wrong account and I withdrew everything. Everybody wanted the extra 700$ back. I set em all straight- and the Chief had to live with it – I think he actually liked it. He asked me ‘who’s going to be judge and jury on this??. To which I replied ” I am because I’m the only one among you who knows right from wrong. That’s how it is.” And that’s how it often is.

    Whatever you do becomes a habit. Submission is a vicious one. Find a way. There is always an alternative not offered, but there if you find it.

    Oh, man- I have even more stories – but not for posting…lol.

    REPLY: [ I’ve seen the movie… BTW, the “dykes” comment is on the edge too. I’ve known a few who used the term among themselves, so I’ll let it slide, but please try to be a bit less insulting toward whole classes of folks. Yes, there are times when resistance to tyrannies, even minor ones, is justified (and I’ve done my share); but there are even more times when avoiding confrontation is more profitable. It’s helpful to be skilled in both. So I reserve resistance for those times when the other tools fail. I’ve also found that most folks who must deal with the public eventually see enough ‘hard asses’ that they start to take a similar confrontation attitude. When those two collide, it profits no one. “When too tigers fight, one of them is killed and the other is seriously wounded.” So I generally live by the rules of Aikido. Join with your opponents energy then you may turn their path; avoid the direct confrontation of force with force, step off the line of attack and redirect your opponents energy back to themselves. But I also know how to use Karate – the direct attack of energy confronting energy. But even there, every strike is a block and every block can become a strike. Hard surfaces are best approached with a soft weapon… (the palm heal strike to the jaw comes to mind). “Hard on Hard” usually results in both being injured… While I appreciate that you have had a lot of conflict events that you feel resolved to your benefit; might I suggest there is another way that might profit you more? The soft forms of martial arts have much of merit in them… -E.M.Smith ]

  18. Dave McK says:

    Oh, yah – for Canadians to breeze through at Niagara, go with a chick and say ‘Walmart’. That answers all the morons’ expectations.
    For an American to breeze through, wear a Tilley, drive a red rental and look really goofy. Say ‘casino’ but leer ‘lap-dance’.

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