Tainted Love…

The day before father’s day was “freedom day” for Little Jack. He was the bunny who had contracted E. Cuniculi and had been taken to the vet.

Yesterday I gave him, and Ginger Too some cabbage leaves. There was some of an “Approach avoidance” conflict, but not so much that he did not take the leaves.

Today, a different story.

I went to the garden, and Little Jack was guarding the “back door approach”. So I sat in my chair. He gave me “The Look” of a bunny on guard; and sat under the potted plant that stands between my chair and His Garden. Watching.

I came over and let him sniff me. He stiffened and backed off a few feet. Clearly I’m associated with His Imprisonment. He was in Bunny Jail for all of 9 days. ( I ended the 10 day treatment early as it was working so well). But realize that in the wild a bunny may live for all of 1 year. that 9 days is like 9/365 of a lifetime. OR about a 1 year 9 month sentence for you or for me.

Bunnies live in a different time zone from us…

SO I’d saved his life (he was the bunny of nystagmus and a near death experience) and I’d given him some flea treatments along with ivermectin to rid him of mites…. yet….

I loved him against his will and that is unforgivable…

So he sniffed me, and bolted about 2 feet away…

Yet stopped. I did not pursue….

I sat in the chair. He sat under the Lambs Quarters to look at me. Time passed.

He chewed at some fleas on his back feet.

SO I arose from the chair, and offered “The Comb”. A barbers fine comb I’d used to get the fleas off of him in the bathroom. He sniffed. And stiffened….

I don’t know what was the trigger. The smell of me, or of the Flea Spray on the comb, or maybe just some other odd subtile smell I can not detect. But he was back in The Moment. Back in Bunny Jail. Separated from spouse and kids for almost 2 years. For nothing he had done….

And he bolted away.

Off toward the dark places. Below the Prison Hutch (that does keep birds blocked) and near the Ancestral Shed (where at least 4 generations of bunnies have made shelter under that grand roof that covers 10 bunny lengths of space, yet has only bunny sized entry holes….

Little Jack will come out again.

I will give him cabbages and bean leaves again.

He will come to accept me again.

But never unconditionally, as the first time.

He knows I love him.

He knows I’ve “made him better” and made the “dizzies” go away…

Yet…

I am forever and always connected to that Tainted Love of his imprisonment and his misery.

Perhaps I am a deranged monster.

Perhaps I am simply misguided.

Perhaps he just barely escaped (when I set him free on the ground last Saturday).

Perhaps ….

But a life, and a family, is not built on perhaps….

So I am now “tainted love”….

Forever hopeing that in some small way I can have a touch of recognition for having saved his life and having kept his family safe from his illness…

And yet always knowing that I am, at best, that Sometimes Evil Bastard Who Gives Bean Leaves (but don’t trust him too much lest you end up in Bunny Jail for 2 years…. )

And I know he is right…

But Wait, There’s More

Unfortunately, the “more” part is not done being written yet. Reality lives at it’s own pace, and that story has not reached an end. I would love to share how we ended up at this point, but I can’t. Not just yet. All I can do is say that “Little Jack” has likely saved my life too.

So here we sit.

Me with a gigantic debt to Little Jack. Him, knowing I’ve saved his life, and yet unable to get past that ‘just a bit short of 2 years’ in Bunny Jail. You; wondering what all this is about. And so it must sit. For some things just can not be known before their time.

So I love my Bunny with a “tainted love” and he knows he owes me a grand dept… and the both f us in a great “cross species moment” choose to spend a bit of time in “contemplation”… and so must you.

How much of your comfortable life is owed to some other species, some other life, that you may barely recognize.

Please take just a moment to thank the literal “Lab Rats” and bunnies of the world that let you use cosmetics in peace and use antibiotics knowing they will not result in “strange” children…

It is just such unrecognized sacrifice that matters more than all the rest.

As I an attest from personal results….

Advertisement

About E.M.Smith

A technical managerial sort interested in things from Stonehenge to computer science. My present "hot buttons' are the mythology of Climate Change and ancient metrology; but things change...
This entry was posted in Human Interest and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Tainted Love…

  1. Tynkerbee says:

    I was touched by this tale of yours, you spin such fine webs! Your point of views are refreshing. Look forward to reading your blog daily =)

  2. P.G. Sharrow says:

    ” No good deed goes unpunished ” Oh well, whether kids or critters, you do what you think is best for them and then you just sit back and see how it works out. They generally forget percieved short term insults. pg

  3. Pascvaks says:

    A recurring “theme” in my thoughts, or a rock in the stream that I’ve yet to comprehend, analyze and swim past: people are so observant and adaptable yet so forgetful. Oh that we could ‘Mind Meld’ for a moment with all breathing species on the planet. For that moment we would be a demigod. What a truly mindblowing experience. Sort’a like that first Star Trek movie, to “join with the Creator”. Now THAT would be a trip! Thanks again! Your observations are Classics.

  4. PhilJourdan says:

    @P.G. – “whether kids or critters”

    No truer words have been spoken. I am amazed at how much my parents did – as I age and do the same for mine – and they in turn take it for granted, as I did. We call critters dumb at times, but then kids are not much better at times either.

    E.M.- You message is cryptic. I hope all is well now

  5. PJB says:

    I can’t help but to see your story as a shadow of the love of the Creator with wisdom beyond our natural understanding. Our relationships with each other can also be a reflection of the LIght from above. If only the bunny had a book to help him comprehend your love.

  6. E.M.Smith says:

    @All:

    I expect that trust will return. We went from “none” to “take leaf from hand” over the last year. Now, after a long time of “up close and personal” as I held him in my lap for treatments, he is a bit skitish, but still takes leaves from my hand. Just doesn’t want any more of that combing and flea dip action… So, with time, I think trust will return. Though, perhaps, with a bit of “awareness”…

    @PhilJourdan:

    Everything is doing fine.

    @Pascvaks:

    My “people reader” works very well on bunnies. (decades of tuning ;-) and I can pretty much tell what they are thinking at any one time. (Confirmed by their subsequent actions, so I know it’s not just flights of fancy). They have a fairly loud “body language” and a very soft “facial expressions” and even more tricky vocalizations (that most folks never hear). Sometimes even the “very happy tooth chatter” is so soft that I can feel it in the jaw movement, but not actually hear it

    Yes, it’s a very special thing to have even that distant a connection to the world of another species. A “mind meld” would be spectacular… but probably hard to absorb. I’m not sure we could mentally handle things like the “360 degree” visual field they have. (They can not see what they are eating, that is done by smell and feel, but their eyes see everything around and above them). We may not have the hardware to integrate that kind of thing well.

  7. Rob R says:

    Soft Cell have a slightly smoother more funky and new-wave version of Tainted Love. Mansons version is pretty good though I have to admit.

  8. beng says:

    Interesting. There’s a small stream bordering my lot where I feed the Sunnies & Brown trout crushed cat food. There’s also a big water turtle occasionally seen there. Once I was tossing in fatty chicken-skins, and the turtle appeared close to the bank. I tossed him some chicken-skins. It apparently had never tasted something so yummy — it came right up to me partly out on the bank w/neck outstretched & got several more chunks. But I didn’t see him again at that particular spot.

    Fast-forward several yrs & I’m feeding the fish. I hear a splash & here comes the turtle right up to me at the bank, then partly out of the water w/neck straining upward. It had remembered the feeding-session after several years!

    The fish are easy to “train” — I’ve got several of the boldest Sunnies to jump out of the water six inches to my fingers to grab hold of a tasty bit of chicken-skin or steak-fat.

  9. PhilJourdan says:

    @beng – your Turtle story reminds me of the joke about a cajun fishing who steals a frog from a water moccassin! He gave him a slug of whiskey to calm him down so he could let him go without getting bit. Several minutes later, he feels a tap on his shoe and sees the water moccassin with another frog in his mouth looking up at him! :)

  10. Doyle says:

    This post is probably the best indicator of the reason that I, despite having never met you, consider you to be among my friends. And I only have 8-10 of those. Weird, I know, coming from a theoretical stranger; but I identify with the emotions you express here, and that’s the connection.
    Emotions aren’t easy to discern in an Aspe…or perhaps they are easy to see but rarely expressed so openly

  11. E.M.Smith says:

    @Doyle:

    Friends happen at a meeting of the minds…

    Aspe’s often “clamp” as they have been rebuffed a lot. I’ve learned to “unclamp” more… That’s part of why so many folks think that Aspes and Autistics are “distant” or emotionally flat / lacking. It is because the emotional “gain” is so high, they turn it down as low as they can and it’s still too much. As I’m just “on the cusp”, and on the normal side of that, it’s easier for me. Still, took a while to find the “loudness” control…

    Many folks, espeically in the medical field, believe that there is a lack of sense of “other” or a lack of an emotional connection, empathy if you will. What they do not ken is that the connection is just so strong it must be squashed to preserve sanity….

    How can you pick a flower when you have merged with it, felt the sun on your face as it does, waved in the breeze and been tickled by a humming bird? Immagined the daily cycling open / closed / open / close on the way to founding a new generation of flower/seeds…. To an observer, there is that “distant” moment when you are no longer here, but are in the flower…. then when you snap back (resenting the folks who shouted or pulled at you just as you were “being the flower”..) are assailed with a bunch of loud demanding alienating things…. finally, one of them goes and murders your friend, with whom you’ve just melded, destruction most horrid and much more mindless than the flower who had purpose in living… So you pull away from them and squash the fears and tears… BLANKING… Waiting for them to leave… so you can grieve for your now murdered friend…

    This they call “emotionally distant” and “lacking in a sense of The Other”…

    Yes, I can BLANK with the best of them. Have ZERO emotional display of any kind (and even clamp internally to an “empty vessel” state). But it is not the base state. It’s the survival strategy…

    After a lot of years I learned that most folks don’t have that “range” issue.

    After more, I learned to modulate it for effect.

    After more, I learned how to share what others did not know…

    Don’t know what comes next… but I’ll “share” when I get there ;-)

    Sidebar:

    That’s not just a hypothetical. I was in a NASA study to set the personality type for astronauts. There is a particular scale: Augmenter / Reducer that matches what I described above. How “loud” the world is to you, and are you “augmenting the world” (so seek out quiet and peace) or are you “reducing the world” (so constantly seeking more stimulus).

    I’m an “Augmenter”, so need to find ways to dampen external stimulus. Basically, my internal stimulus amplifiers work really really well… as measured on a psych exam by an MD / Psych.

    (Part of why I’m so certain that the thesis Murray has about me is broken. I’ve seen all my psych scores on a load of standardized tests… used for articles in peer reviewed literature from back when that meant something…)

    So I’m ideal for putting in a submarine, an isolated polar outpost, or even a space capsule with a couple of other folks. Never cause a fuss. Always get along. Quietly being effective. And very very aware of those around me and how they feel… while my emotional display is a bit understated and unlikely to cause over reaction from others.

    Just the kind of person who can say, when thinking maybe they are about to die in a broken space ship with no hope of rescue “Houston, we have a problem”… in a slightly flat voice…

    So welcome, friend.

    Just mind the flowers and bunnies ;-)

Comments are closed.