I am saddened to report that Twinkies have been murdered by an over zealous labor union.
To the best of my knowledge, this is the only recorded case of ‘Twinkie-cide”. It is unclear if The Union can survive this assault on our fundamental principles and values. How, I ask you, how!! can we possibly survive “Life Without Twinkies”??!?
Twinkies maker Hostess plans to go out of business
By Carey Gillam and Tanya Agrawal
Fri Nov 16, 2012 6:08pm EST
(Reuters) – Hostess Brands Inc, the bankrupt maker of Twinkies snack cakes and loaves of Wonder Bread, is seeking a U.S. court’s permission to go out of business after failing to get wage and benefit cuts from thousands of its striking bakery workers.
The 82-year-old Hostess, which has about $2.5 billion in sales and is one of the largest wholesale bakers and distributors of breads and snack cakes in the United States, filed the request with the U.S. Bankruptcy Court in New York early Friday morning. A hearing on the matter is set for Monday.
The Irving, Texas-based company said the liquidation would mean that most of its 18,500 employees would lose their jobs. Hostess immediately suspended operations at all of its 33 plants across the United States as it moves to start selling assets.
“We’ll be selling the brands and as much of the infrastructure as we can,” said company spokesman Lance Ignon. “There is value in the brands. But some bakeries will never open again as bakeries.”
Ignon said the company made final deliveries on Friday of products made Thursday night. Hostess’s top-selling products are its chocolate cupcakes, Twinkies cakes and its powdered sugar and frosted “Donettes.”
Hostess products, particularly the golden, cream-filled Twinkies cakes, are deeply ingrained in American pop culture and have long been packed in school children’s lunch boxes. Entrepreneurs on auction site eBay Inc were asking as much as $100 for a box of 10 Twinkies by Friday morning.
Oh NO! Say it isn’t so!
Can we possibly survive life “Post Wonderbread”? Perhaps.
But life without Twinkies? Unthinkable.
Worse, the article does not even mention “Ho Hos”! I’m sorry, really I am, but everyone knows that Hos are a major part of our life style and economy. Yes, many folks use Hos, but don’t admit it. Yes, Hos are ‘unloved’ far too often. Personally, I’d “love to love” some Hos and show them the appreciation they deserve for their contribution to the smiles on faces all across America. Even those grinning hyenas in Congress who use Hos far more often than the rest of us, but never admit it.
So what are we to do? No Twinkies? I’m sure Pelosi and the San Francisco delegation will not take that lying down. Well, not for long, anyway… There will be marches in the streets. Or, perhaps, “a moving dance ensemble that is presenting a commentary on our present state of intolerance and corruption of shared civil society normative excesses, with cultural sensitivity attuned to our Modern Age”… with “spice pipes” and aroma stations for those who can’t get into the “mutual stress relief” vans…
Then, of course, the Wonderbread Deficit will be causing Moms and Kids everywhere to Wonder what will hold their PB and J now? I mean, I know what holds MY PB as I stroke the ‘jelly’ onto the morning muffin, but think “of the children!!!”. WHO can help them with their PB & J dilemmas? I’m sorry, but “whole wheat” (or worse, “cracked wheat”) is just way too rough, tough, and coarse “for the children”. They NEED the comfort of a soft, spongy, and completely tasteless non-judgmental and compliant ‘foam’ to caresses their young and supple developments… be they PB or Jelly in ‘orientation’ (if not in form…)
This is clearly a national tragedy. And all due to some greedy labor unions who could not be bothered to think of the rest of us. Or ‘think of the Children!!!”
Life without Ho Hos in unthinkable. It is clearly time to march on congress and demand that they assure the continuation of Hos for all (but especially for them). It is also time for “Twinkie Lovers” everywhere to let congress know what they think. Tell them you won’t take this laying down, but how it is important that the Congress will, and demand that they make the Bakers Unions “Bend over and take it!” for the good of the country.
This is an epiphany of a cultural moment. We can not afford to delay. “Stress” will be building up to a climax in the absence of the normal relief provided by Hos and Twinkies. Eventually, this can only result in complete collapse of our self esteem; and a flaccid response from ‘those in power’ is never acceptable.
If we can have a ‘bail out’ for GM, surely we can find a way to assure a strong, powerful, and stiff response to this assault on our, our, “needs”. Or cultural core. Obama is known for his swift and firm resistance to failure of such things, his ‘avoidance of bankruptcy’ for cultural icons like Camaro and Silverado can surly be repeated for this collapse of Hos and Twinkies. Can you imagine YOUR children growing up, deprived of Hos and Twinkies? I certainly can’t. Where would we get our future politicians?
So please, Dear Leader Obama, do it NOW and do it often! We’d all like to watch you in action on this.
If nothing else, “do it for the Children!!!”