A Randy Pony Song…

When I was but a wee lad, I found a record under the matress of my sister. It was, to say the least, “ineresting”… and shortly after that it disappeared never to be seen nor heard of again.

I’ve often wondered about it off an on over the years, but could never find anyone who had heard of the few verses I remembered, nor knew anything about it at all. (Of course I could not ask my sister… as that would perhaps get me interrogated…)

Well immagine my surprise when “yet another web search” turned up the lyrics. Still have not found who wrote or sung it, nor a full recording / MP3 / youtube. But, in case any other poor soul might be trying to find a Randy Pony Song from about 1/2 decade or more ago, here’s the lyrics, and a link to the site where I found them. That link ‘auto plays’ the song (much as I remembered it) through the first couple of verses, then cuts off. No idea why. They have an MP3 download list, but I could not find it on that list (via the name The Pinto Pony) and searches for that name on YouTube find a good awful long list of cutsy wootsy songs about Pinto Ponies and not one with the verse “Damn the man who loves a girl and aint got the guts to ….. Upper, lower, that’s my birth, check it right off your list, right now I’m going to the parlor car and try to take a … Pistol belt around my waist” So you can see how this song goes.

With no further ado, the link:

and the lyrics:

The Pinto Pony

I had me a pinto pony once
And a beautiful sight was he,
And I gave him to a pretty little gal
Fer to keep her company

And all around the old corral
He chased that pretty little lass.
He’d run his nostrils up her skirt
And snuff around her —

As fer you, you naughty little horse
Don’t make my temper rise.
Only one man in the whole wide world
Will sleep between my —

Thank the gentlemen for the wine
I’ll drink it with my supper.
Damn the man who loves a girl
But ain’t got the guts to —

Upper, lower, that’s my berth
Check it right off your list
I’m goin’ into the parlor car
And try to take a —

Pistol belt around my hip
Around the town I’ll frolic
Saddle up the strawberry roan
Don’t strap it on his —

Bawl, bawl, he’s only scared
He heard the elephant yell.
Don’t go near that elephant’s cage
Or he’ll smash you all to —

“Help! Help!” the sailor cried
As through the waves he swam.
“It’s sink or swim,” the Mate replied
“Cause I don’t give a–”

Dam the river, dam the brook
Sitting by the shore.
Pretty little gal at my head
And my arms around a–

Hold on, thar, you naughty little miss!
Get right off my lap!
I can tell by the scars on your pretty little arse
You’ve got you a dose of —

Clap hands, my song is done
You thought it never would end.
And if you don’t approve of it
I’ll start it over again

Yes, I had me a pony once
And a beautiful sight was he.
I gave him to a pretty little gal
Fer to keep her company.

Just goes to show that waiting can eventually bring closure.

Now if only I can find a full recording somewhere…

I couldn’t find it in his list here but the collection does hold a lot of titles that look “interesting” ;-) Such as:

On Top Of Old Pyongyang All Covered In Flak [fragment]
I Never Had Sex With That Woman [Tune: Rosin The Beau]
Maids When You’re Young Never Wed An Old Man
Oh Pat Says She (What Is The Best Fraternity)
Highland Tinker [aka Foreskins in the Sky, Tune: Ghost Riders (in the Sky)]
I First Met Nellie Hawkins [Segues Into “No Balls At All”]
No Balls At All
Beer, Beer Glorious Beer [pre-WWII Pub Song]

I think that gives you an idea (what they have…)

Don’t blame me if you spend 100 hours downloading MP3s and not doing your homework…

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About E.M.Smith

A technical managerial sort interested in things from Stonehenge to computer science. My present "hot buttons' are the mythology of Climate Change and ancient metrology; but things change...
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16 Responses to A Randy Pony Song…

  1. Eric Fithian says:

    Gotta watch that; you could open the Floodgates, and bury us all in bawdy material!
    The fans of Dr Demento are hardly legion, but still number in the thousands….
    Whilst reading this item, I thought of one which I don’t recall hearing on Dr D:
    “When Lulu’s Gone,” by the “The Bang Boys” (1936)
    Wait for it– that was actually Roy Acuff and his Crazy Tennesseeans!…
    Lots more in the general category of risque` stuff. The audio-recording machine seems to have been an irresistable temptation to people: let’s make a record of something outrageous….

  2. Ralph B says:

    Bawdy, seedy songs almost always have a sailor in them. I wonder why that is? I don’t recall searching out the seedy part of town in every port I hit…or maybe I did…

    I won’t post the submariners chant here…way too many off-color words in that.

  3. Verity Jones says:

    Oh that’s mild – Rubgy songs anyone? http://www.rugbysongs.net/

  4. agimarc says:

    The 19 TASS FAC songbook circa 1980. They were stationed at Osan AB at the time flying OV-10s. Truly funny, filthy stuff. Cheers –


  5. agimarc says:

    And another link with a bunch of military songbooks and recordings. Cheers –


  6. You have to love the Dubliners:

    Back in my Rugby days one of my favorites was “The Holy Ground”:

  7. During my ten years in Belfast I got to appreaciate songs like this:

  8. LeeHarvey says:

    Thank you for inspiring me to go find the dirty version of Barnacle Bill the Sailor, a song I vaguely remembered from my misspent youth.

  9. Verity Jones says:

    Bawdy goes a long way back – how about a classical version?
    Carmina Burana (Carl Orff, 1937) words of medieval poetry set to exuberant music.

    Variously written by itinerant scholars in low Latin and early German, the poems mingle Christian piety and pagan hedonism in a spirit of simplicity and unselfconscious directness which were intrinsic in the medieval approach to mortality. They amount to an uninhibited celebration of the pleasures of life, and, particularly, love. Bed and bawdiness figures strongly in them.

    Lyrics – original and English: http://www.classical.net/music/comp.lst/works/orff-cb/carmlyr.php

    This is not the best version, but at least you can see where you are and sing along. The three songs from “Cour d’amours (The Court of Love)” are particularly recommended (musically of course):
    20. Veni, veni, venias
    21. In truitina
    22. Tempus est iocundum

    Oh, oh, oh,
    totus floreo,
    iam amore virginali
    totus ardeo, novus, novus amor est,
    quo pereo

  10. R. Shearer says:

    I think Bill Clinton mentioned he had it on a 10″ vinyl.

  11. Adam Gallon says:

    Sing alongs with my former coileagues, the joys of Diamond Lilly, Eskimo Nell & the infamous Ball of Kerrimuir.

  12. mkelly says:

    This one always makes me crack a big smile. I think it happened to me on a visit to the old country.

  13. Crashex says:

    Bawdy Songs and Backroom Ballads: Volume 6. Bawdy Western Songs

    recorded by Oscar Brand

  14. Crashex says:

    “1950s. Oscar Brand with his Bawdy Songs and Back Room Ballads LPs had the largest and longest impact on field work with many of his LPs being “de-expurgated”.”



    Shows that track 6 is the one we wanted.

    “Bawdy Songs and Backroom Ballads: Volume 6.–Bawdy Western Songs
    1.The Old Grey Bustle
    2.Chisholm Trail
    3.As I Was Out Riding
    4.The Little Brown Bull
    5.Charlotte The Harlot
    6.Pinto Pony
    7.Blinded By Turds
    8.In Abilene
    9.Ride On
    10.I Ride An Old Paint
    11.My Love Is A Rider
    12.Poor Little Angeline
    13.The Texas Boys
    14.The Great Big Wheel

    There’s an Oscar Brand.com website that sells the recordings and songbooks.
    Bawdy Western Songs is on the list.

    Happy Trails.

  15. Verity Jones says:

    Something reminded me of this one the way home from work. Warning – not safe for work. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-lQ11igLI0

  16. E.M.Smith says:


    Thank you thank you Thank You! That’s just the kind of ‘dig here’ that I don’t get to do much when working…


    Well… since my contract ended yesterday, I guess I can watch it at home… after the spouse is out of the house ;-)

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