When I was but a wee lad, I found a record under the matress of my sister. It was, to say the least, “ineresting”… and shortly after that it disappeared never to be seen nor heard of again.
I’ve often wondered about it off an on over the years, but could never find anyone who had heard of the few verses I remembered, nor knew anything about it at all. (Of course I could not ask my sister… as that would perhaps get me interrogated…)
Well immagine my surprise when “yet another web search” turned up the lyrics. Still have not found who wrote or sung it, nor a full recording / MP3 / youtube. But, in case any other poor soul might be trying to find a Randy Pony Song from about 1/2 decade or more ago, here’s the lyrics, and a link to the site where I found them. That link ‘auto plays’ the song (much as I remembered it) through the first couple of verses, then cuts off. No idea why. They have an MP3 download list, but I could not find it on that list (via the name The Pinto Pony) and searches for that name on YouTube find a good awful long list of cutsy wootsy songs about Pinto Ponies and not one with the verse “Damn the man who loves a girl and aint got the guts to ….. Upper, lower, that’s my birth, check it right off your list, right now I’m going to the parlor car and try to take a … Pistol belt around my waist” So you can see how this song goes.
With no further ado, the link:
and the lyrics:
The Pinto Pony
I had me a pinto pony once
And a beautiful sight was he,
And I gave him to a pretty little gal
Fer to keep her company
And all around the old corral
He chased that pretty little lass.
He’d run his nostrils up her skirt
And snuff around her —
As fer you, you naughty little horse
Don’t make my temper rise.
Only one man in the whole wide world
Will sleep between my —
Thank the gentlemen for the wine
I’ll drink it with my supper.
Damn the man who loves a girl
But ain’t got the guts to —
Upper, lower, that’s my berth
Check it right off your list
I’m goin’ into the parlor car
And try to take a —
Pistol belt around my hip
Around the town I’ll frolic
Saddle up the strawberry roan
Don’t strap it on his —
Bawl, bawl, he’s only scared
He heard the elephant yell.
Don’t go near that elephant’s cage
Or he’ll smash you all to —
“Help! Help!” the sailor cried
As through the waves he swam.
“It’s sink or swim,” the Mate replied
“Cause I don’t give a–”
Dam the river, dam the brook
Sitting by the shore.
Pretty little gal at my head
And my arms around a–
Hold on, thar, you naughty little miss!
Get right off my lap!
I can tell by the scars on your pretty little arse
You’ve got you a dose of —
Clap hands, my song is done
You thought it never would end.
And if you don’t approve of it
I’ll start it over again
Yes, I had me a pony once
And a beautiful sight was he.
I gave him to a pretty little gal
Fer to keep her company.
Just goes to show that waiting can eventually bring closure.
Now if only I can find a full recording somewhere…
I couldn’t find it in his list here but the collection does hold a lot of titles that look “interesting” ;-) Such as:
On Top Of Old Pyongyang All Covered In Flak [fragment]
I Never Had Sex With That Woman [Tune: Rosin The Beau]
Maids When You’re Young Never Wed An Old Man
Oh Pat Says She (What Is The Best Fraternity)
Highland Tinker [aka Foreskins in the Sky, Tune: Ghost Riders (in the Sky)]
I First Met Nellie Hawkins [Segues Into “No Balls At All”]
No Balls At All
Beer, Beer Glorious Beer [pre-WWII Pub Song]
I think that gives you an idea (what they have…)
Don’t blame me if you spend 100 hours downloading MP3s and not doing your homework…