It is clear to me now that Global Warming is a Confederate Plot! The South Shall Rise Again! By convincing everyone that they must give up fossil fuels and industry, then showing that The South is not warming, they can cause massive relocations of industries to the Old South and South East. People will flock there as the only place still cool enough to live, and with no Carbon Guilt Indulgences needed.
In fact, each warming state ought to pay the relocation costs of any person wishing to move to the Southeast and Texas, since every person who does so will be one more person causing cooling and one less causing warming.
What am I talking about?
Well, in a comment here:
Boballab pointed out that per the NOAA NCDC web site, Texas was not warming:
This is a “screen capture” with the edges trimmed to the graph they make (as I could not figure out a way to save just a copy of the graph nor get an embed URL). You can get a bigger clearer version of the graph by clicking on it. The web site is here (this one gets you Nevada):
Then from a drop down you can get other states to show up, or even regions, the whole country (but not including Alaska and Hawaii… I guess they don’t count ;-) and you can even select regions by type of crop grown for a couple of major crops.
Here is that Nevada Graph:
One can clearly see that all the Carbon Sin is happening in Nevada. That place is Hot Hot Hot! and just jumpin’ with action. Clearly THEY need to pay those cooler states with cooler heads for all the heat they are creating!
In fact, looking at the entire Bible Belt of the Southeast, it’s in a significant cooling trend. There’s only one logical conclusion: The Bible Belt is God’s Chosen Land. The rest of the country needs to pay a Sin Tax to the Southeast states, as they are the ones preventing God’s Own Retribution from causing the entire country to melt into sinful ruin!
As you can see, this is all the fault of those folks up in New York City and the Bos-Wash Corridor:
I’ve checked many other states, and among the worst are those sinners in California and New York. Clearly we need immediate Reparations Payments of no less than $10,000 per person to be given to every person in the Southeast States and Texas by those who are destroying the planet. Oh, and make that “per year”. It is absolutely essential that every person who is a citizen of The South be given the opportunity to sit sipping mint juleps and conserving their energy even more; so that the polar bears can stay cold (and out of Florida) and so that the people of The South can spend more quality time on the beach with the A/C turned off.
If all you evil polluters up North will just kindly send your checks, those in the south will save your immortal souls, and the planet, by continuing to not do much of anything they can avoid…
We thank you for your support.
(I include me in there ’cause as soon as the first checks arrive I’m headed to this Fine Florida beach I know with a very large ice chest full of cold beer … I’m doing it “for the planet” and “for the children” ;-)
For The Humor Impared
Just in case you missed it, this ought to be read dripping in sarcasm..