Church Of The Sacred Carbon…

So I was pondering Religion the other day… My Son has gone off to help found a church and is now a formal Minister in his church. FWIW I’m a legally ordained minister as well; though I’ve not done much with it. Universal Life Church. For those not familiar with it, anyone can become a legally ordained minister. Just need a church that says you are one. Nice to know, though, that if an emergency wedding or funeral need broke out; I’m legal to do it and “Good To Go!” You know, post apocalypse or whatever…

All because our constitution has a legal “make no law respecting an establishment of religion” clause.

Which leads me to Part Two…

So all life on Earth is Carbon Based. We must consume carbon to live. Literally. We burn carbon to warm ourselves and preserve life. Carbon provides light and life itself.

So why not have a Church Of The Sacred Carbon?

Heck, God made us of the stuff. ‘Nuff said!

I have just signed up for a course in Druidry as well. In some months from now I can declare myself a Master of Druidry should I so desire. The basic belief structure of it (as I understand it now) is that nature and natural energy flows are sacred. This shows in many religions as “Sun Worship”. Yet what is food but sunshine stored in carbon? What is ‘fossil fuel’ but sunshine stored in Carbon? It looks to me like a very short trip from Sun Worship to Carbon as sacred.

Over the next months I’ll be working to integrate the basic truths of the Druids (much of which was knowing of the natural world) with the other Sacred Teachings of The Bible and other Sacred Texts. It will take a while, but any who wishes may join with me on my voyage of discovery.

Sunday Service

In the honor of the launch of The Church Of The Sacred Carbon, I will be conducting a sacred “Liberation Of The Carbon” ritual this Sunday. Several pounds of solid carbon will be placed on the altar. (Kingsford brand). It will be lit afire with the Sacred Flame of Purity and allowed to form a solid red glow. At that time, some selected hard wood chips will be added ( Hickory is traditional, but I’ve got some Manzanita to try…) so that their sacred essence can also be set free in the Holy Smoke. Reminding us of our life being built on plants. Reminding us our duty to them and their care; and how they are providing for us.

At that time, the sacrificial offering is to be prepared. Only the best and most pure animals can be offered, or the best and most pure vegetables. These are to become “burnt offerings” in the pattern of the ancient Jewish traditions. (They need not be burned to ashes, just to a nice crisp crust…) Frequent anointing with the Sacred Oil ( I like herbed olive oil and anointing with olive oil is traditional…)

Wine is to be offered as a ‘Wave Offering’ – Held aloft so that it can reflect the sunshine that powers our ‘Carbon Life World’ and solemn words appropriate to the moment spoken by the minister in attendance. (If no formally ordained minister is available, I, by the legal power vested in me, grant any person who wishes to join The Church Of The Sacred Carbon the ministerial power to conduct the rituals to the best of their ability.) Hop Wine may be used if desired (even the weak fizzy kind known as Lager…) or any other Carbon containing beverage that is available. ( Beverages sweetened with artificial sweeteners are an abomination and may NOT be used as the Wave Offering. Drink them if you want, but the Wave Offering must be pure and natural carbon containing liquid. If you do consume artificial sweetened beverages, prepare a special Frozen Offering to cleanse the pallet. Sorbet is preferred, but others are acceptable as well.)

Potatoes may be roasted, or a selection of vegetable wedges may be placed on wooden / bamboo needles and, brushed with Sacred Oil (Herbed Olive oil preferred: garlic, sage, thyme, oregano…), placed over the Holy Carbon Altar ( no more than a couple of minutes – wedges of bell pepper, onion, squash cubes, whole olives, mushrooms, etc. are all acceptable. Any of God’s plants that you like, provided they are blessed during preparation.) Turn frequently and when the surface has started to show the golden color of Carbonizing, remove to the offering plate to rest for a minute.

When all the Burnt Offering has been prepared, and the Wave Offering has been waved (and the Holy Pronouncements made of the importance of Carbon and the essential nature of it to life), then the offerings are to be eaten by the assembled; sharing in the body of Carbon Life. Celebrating that we are all enmeshed in a single flow of Carbon. Taking joy in liberating that Carbon to continue on the path of Life And Liberty For All.

This Holy Communion in Carbon Life is to be repeated weekly, from this time forth, as long as possible (and rain does not prevent it.) In cases where rain or other inclement weather (that foul unholy non-Carbon blaspheme…) disrupts the Service; it may be continued indoors using other methods of Carbon Liberation. Open flame is preferred, but in cases of limited facilities, even electric heat can be used to liberate the Holy Carbon. (Much of it comes from liberating Carbon at remote sites, so is also Holy Carbon by proxy.)

If possible, for special Holy Days in particular, setting up the Holy Carbon Altar at a remote and outdoors location is to be encourage. Celebrate the natural world and natural Carbon Life! Especially if the Carbon trapped in fossil fuels can be liberated in the process of making the journey. The costs may be high, but your blessings are directly proportional to the Holy Carbon liberated. ( Especially if a beach location can be found where the Ultimate Solar Father can be worshiped by basking in His Glow, while his Son, the Son of Sun, Carbon is liberated from the ancient bondage. Returning the Fathers stored energy back to the Carbon Life World.)

With that, I urge you to prepare now for the Holy Burnt Offering of The Church Of The Sacred Carbon.

I will now hold aloft a “Wave Offering” to consecrate this moment. And Thank Carbon, most Holy, for my life in Carbon…


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About E.M.Smith

A technical managerial sort interested in things from Stonehenge to computer science. My present "hot buttons' are the mythology of Climate Change and ancient metrology; but things change...
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82 Responses to Church Of The Sacred Carbon…

  1. adrianvance says:

    If the Gaia concept, that Earth is God, it valid then man is part of it.

    Earth originally had 12% CO2 in the atmosphere. Evil green plants came and grabbed all but 0.038% to today. It is man’s destiny to repair that error by burning everything we can. That is a true fact.

    Read The Two Minute Conservative at When you speak ladies will swoon
    and liberal gentlemen will weep.

  2. p.g.sharrow says:

    @EMSMITH; What the heck is up!
    My significant other comes home and tells me she had an very unexpected visit from her “guardians/ healers” yesterday, frightened her a great deal until she realized they were previous incarnations of her. They told her she needed to practice using both sides of her brain at the same time to become one with the universe. Now you pop up with wanting to reconstituting the natural church. Maybe I need to turn on my Ball and Tripod and find out what is going on. pg

  3. Sera says:

    I wish to be anointed into The Church Of The Sacred Carbon. Seriously, this sounds like a winner. It has been raining here in ATL for three weeks now, and I/we could use a good “Liberation Of The Carbon” festival. I, however, will be using Accurate #5 for the smoke and flame.

    Amen Brother!

  4. Sera says:

    I will pour (sparingly) my #5 into a perfect circle, divided into 24 arcs of 15°, whilst working my Sacred 4.5 Second Pendulum. Perhaps then Tlaloc will take pity and spare me from his wrath.

  5. John F. Hultquist says:

    We’re short of the sort of beaches I think you had in mind. Besides, I prefer my golden sun, giver of life, to be filtered through the green leaves of large trees, keepers of the carbon. Here about, however, are rivers filled with returning salmon bringing rich bounty from the sea to renourish the lands. Liberation of the Carbon is scheduled for Saturday afternoon. The Giver of the bounties of Earth will be thanked. The salmon will be thanked for their ultimate gift. A locally vintner has provide appropriate Wave Offerings that long ago gave up carbon based bubbles and the sugars that sustained the many in the production of the now bottled liquid. What ever else is consumed is, at the moment, a mystery. Such occasions are so shrouded. But best and pure they will be.
    Church of the Sacred Carbon! Amen.

  6. Petrossa says:

    In the Netherlands there is the Church of Smoking. Their faith requires them to burn cigarettes so the sacred smoke can rise to the heavens.

    Unsurprisingly they didn’t get official recognition as a religion.

  7. Today is the forty-third anniversary of Neil Armstrong’s first step on the Moon from Apollo 11 Lunar Module: (21 July 2012 – 21 July 1969 = 43 yrs).

    Analysis of elements implanted in the surfaces of Apollo 11 lunar soils provided the first clear evidence of severe mass fractionation in the Sun, falsifying Fred Hoyle’s 1946 landmark papers that became the foundation for the Standard Solar Model (SSM) of Hydrogen-filled stars [1,2]

    Galileo probe of Jupiter confirmed findings from the 1969 Apollo 11 lunar soils in 1998 [3].

    This is not a time of celebration in the space sciences community. The US space program was plagued with deceptive science that most space scientists ignored before public debate of the 2009 Climategate emails and documents revealed a secret agenda.

    The rest of the story:

    [1] Fred Hoyle, “The chemical composition of the stars,” Monthly Notices Royal Astronomical Society 106, 255-59 (1946)

    [2] Fred Hoyle, “The synthesis of the elements from hydrogen,” Monthly Notices Royal Astronomical Society 106, 343-83 (1946)

    [3]. Oliver Manuel, “Isotopic ratios in Jupiter confirm intra-solar diffusion”, Meteoritics and Planetary Science 33, A97, 5011 (1998)

    Click to access 5011.pdf

  8. Another Ian says:


    Check out on his church.

    Maybe you can qualify to do this on government grants too?

  9. Here in France we will also have a Holy Burning of Carbon tonight, since it looks like a good day for it. The libations will be some combinations of the red version from other vineyards or the rather nice amber (officially white) version produced here. The burnt offerings will be local meat/sausages and for me some fish. There may be libations of Armagnac on the ice-cream afterwards.

    Since no official Holy Day has been chosen yet for the ceremonies, any day is OK. With reference to Nostradamus, probably best not to choose a Thursday for the official day to be celebrated, but if the right conditions occur on Thursday, so be it.

    By releasing the carbon we will feed the plants, that the bounty may increase.

    Interestingly, mistletoe discolours badly if you cut it with iron, which is why the Druids used Gold knives to harvest it. I’m not sure of the quantity, but I read a while back that it is a psychotropic drug. Best not eat more than a few berries, in case you suddenly see the future as it is and get depressed.

  10. Julian Jones says:

    As might be expected in a society where most is ‘back to front’ the Authorities obsession with carbon is thus completely misplaced and leading to ‘tyrannies’. But your ‘Church’ could be just the answer – but only if based on some sound science & metrics …

    In the UK home insurance policies are now to be loaded with a 10% tax to cover the cost of increasing flood frequency, primarily because of increased flooding due to loss of soil carbon, another tax for government incompetence :

    (And those at risk of flooding, usually the less well off & needy, now forced to purchase Property Protection devices, sanctioned by HM Govt). All ideal for your Church to rescue.

    Excess carbon in the atmosphere is not the main cause of this; but rather loss of carbon in the soil, caused by oxidisation and destruction of the microbial processes that build carbon/humus in the soil. This soil degradation causes rapid run-off of rain, increased evaporation and intensification. And leads quickly to drought through failure to recharge aquifers. And all effectively ignored by the Authorities with their obsession with atmospheric carbon as CO2, simply ignored as any sort of planning metric, along with the effects of urbanisation, etc.

    In our local poor Cotswold Brash Soils, we have measured these losses at up to 60 tonnes / hectare /year. With the resulting siltation of streams (mainly carbon), worth up to £100/tonne as fertiliser – the Authorities forbid its recovery and re-use.

    In richer UK farmland, like Fenland these carbon losses equate to around 0.5 – 1 cm/soil year.
    These processes are reversible with biological farming methods; eg moving cattle regularly through the day, so they do not over-graze (thus maintaining grass root depth & carbon sequestration as humus around roots), possibly also not using certain farm chemicals (eg, avermectins are a fermentation product of carbon sequestrating soil microbes, cannot be sensible to return to land), etc, etc.

    You might do well to add to your ‘Carbon Church’, elements of Rudolf Steiner’s Anthroposophy – though I’ve never been able to fully get my head around it. His ‘Biodynamics’ is an exemplary farming method which maintains and builds carbon in the soil – based largely on traditional & indigenous methods. (Steiner was also quite clear, that Humanity’s greed, or simply ‘self-interest’ blinds them to viable solutions; hence Biodynamics remains out of the mainstream).

    There are other many methods of building carbon in the soil, in the prosperous West and the aridified desert regions; all for more productive and profitable production of more nutritious food than possible through chemical means, and cheap inclusive thermal, flood & drought control … and so on.

  11. Pascvaks says:

    Never make fun of another man’s religion, he may bite you in the end.

  12. adolfogiurfa says:

    This is the “summum” of all the occidental leaders´pathology. Look at the triangle above this abomination: It is more than obvious, its creators couldn´t help forgetting their favorite symbol.
    The time is due to stop all this non-secular symbology ,”culture” and “illustrated” cult.
    The latest symbol of decadence and idiocy:

  13. p.g.sharrow says:

    @Simon, there is only nation that celebrates Thursday as It’s day of Thanksgiving. By law the third Thursday of November is the American National holiday For sharing and thanksgiving for our blessings. I am not sure if the Nostradamus was the cause or an effect.
    @All; A church dedicated to natural science and the teaching of common sense in all things instead of political agendas would be refreshing. As much as I dislike organized churches this has my interest. pg

  14. Pascvaks says:

    @pg –
    No need to reinvent the wheel;-) There is nothing new under the Sun. How’s about being a Shaker?
    I feel like a Shaker a lot of times. I wouldn’t wish it on a Damnocrat or a Gopper.

  15. p.g.sharrow says:

    @Pascvaks: Is being a Shaker a matter of choice or a curse of age? I seem to be becoming a shaker as time goes on whether I want to or not. Maybe we need to do more :Wave Blessing” ;-) pg

  16. J Martin says:

    I take it your son doesn’t read your blog or he has a good sense of humour.

    Great religion by the way, next time I fill in a form that asks me my religion, I shall answer; the Church of Carbon”.

  17. Chuckles says:

    And don’t forget the Organic Gardening Angels.

  18. Chuckles says:

    Oh, and for the sacrificial offering, following on from our sausage discussions some weeks back, may I suggest the following farm sausage recipe –

    2 kg prime beef
    1 kg pork
    20 g Coriander (50ml)
    2 ml ground cloves
    2 ml ground nutmeg
    30 g fine salt (25ml)
    5 ml freshly ground black pepper
    500 g bacon (speck)
    100 ml vinegar
    approx 90g intestinal casing (Pork is better)

    To prepare coriander: 15ml produces 5ml ground
    Place in dry pan, over heat and stir until toasted light brown.
    Grind, sieve to remove husk. Grind remainder to a fine powder.

    Cut meat into 50mm blocks.
    Mix in with herbs.
    Mince pork beef and herb and spice mixture. Fairly coarse mince, Not too fine.
    Cut bacon into small fine diced blocks.
    Add vinegar and bacon to minced meat and mix.
    Stuff casing with mixture. (NOT too tightly.)

  19. Adam Gallon says:

    One thing is lacking! You must pronounce all other religions as heresy!

  20. p.g.sharrow says:

    My lady read the epistle, dug 2 rib steaks out of the freezer and demanded burnt offerings this afternoon. Think I’ll get even by collecting blackberries and requiring cobbler. Right after I pick figs for an early snack during preparations. Too bad the kitchen garden is late this year. :-) pg

  21. p.g.sharrow says:

    @Adam, not heresies, just Johnny come lately cults. All humbug every one!. pg

  22. adolfogiurfa says:

    @It is not only the church of the “sacred carbon” but the church of a long list of very peculiar ideas and beliefs, to say the least (anyone can explain it why?):from “pedophile pride” to “global warming” through “the morning after pill”, the “non-discrimination of gays and lesbians,” “sustainable development”, “Post-Normal Science,” “precautionary principle “, “chaotic nature of everything”, etc.,etc,

  23. adolfogiurfa says:


  24. j ferguson says:

    Since I suspect the local adherents to be reliable guides in these matters, I need advice on sausage sacrifice. Friend boils her sausages before grilling. No surprise that she does it on faith – she has no idea where she picked up this practice.

    Should I do it too?

    Sausages in question include brats and “italian sausage – hot”

  25. j ferguson says:

    Hume on the Druids:

    “No species of superstition was ever more terrible than that of the druids. Besides the severe penalties, which it was in the power of the ecclesiastics to inflict in this world, they inculcated the eternal transmigration of souls; and thereby extended their authority as far as the fears of their timorous votaries. They practised their rites in dark groves or other secret recesses;[*] and in order to throw a greater mystery over their religion, they communicated their doctrines only to the initiated, and strictly forbade the committing of them to writing, lest they should at any time be exposed to the examination of the profane vulgar.”

    One might infer that if your indoctrination includes written material, it could not be authentic.

  26. Julian Jones says:

    Adolfogiurfa raises dangers pertaining to excessive deference to any principle of faith; even if founded on ‘sound science’. Jewish & Islamic prohibition of consumpion of pork made sense before hygiene was understood; even ritual slaughter an improvement on what came before – but now, like so many articles of faith, perhaps more sensibly open to revision.

    Usury too, condemned at times by Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam has perhaps seemed appropriate, or otherwise, according to the times, or place. And possibly subject shortly to some review in the light of our recent experiences.

    Any long term fundamentalist view is likely to lead to perversions and problems; having moved from complete deference within a theological & monarchical autocracy, then oligarchy, we seem now to be suffering from a lack of any deference, a ‘do what thou wilt’ culture, from our banks to our street corners, fundamentalist materialism really … and thus we’re going to have to drink the “kool-aid”.

    EM’s satire is a healthy response.

  27. Pascvaks says:

    @j.ferguson – “I need advice on sausage sacrifice. Friend boils her sausages before grilling. No surprise that she does it on faith – she has no idea where she picked up this practice. Should I do it too?”
    This article contains no mention of boil/broil/fry/burn/etc., but it does give the general reason for such practices as boil ‘n fry. My mother and mother-in-law, both dyed in the wool Southern Ladies, always boiled links before grilling, always burned bacon, and always over cooked anything that had once squealed for a living. And I know it had its roots in fact from way back.

  28. R. de Haan says:

    As long as you make your church bigger than the church of the evil planet killing carbon, we’re all fine.

  29. adolfogiurfa says:

    @Julian Jones: Though I read E.M.´s satire, I remembered the actual carbon, rather CO2 cult¨s POPE “Al the Baby” and all that cult´s beliefs which do not allow us to live our lives as we used to, with all their silly prohibitions, now currently enforced by laws issued with the help the brotherhood of Kool Aid drinkers (a.k.a. liberals, or banking “elite” useful fools)

  30. Jerry says:

    A couple of suggestions:

    A real sugar (not corn syrup) soft drink – Coke – is available, commonly known as Passover Coke. It is of course banned in CA.

    Try red oak wood chips or better yet get an alter with a firebox and use real natural WOOD.

  31. Larry Geiger says:

    Sarcasm and Irony are not your best genres. Nevertheless, I too this evening shall fire up some carbon (gas not briquets) and singe a bit of beef or two. Giving thanks, always, to the One who provides.

  32. p.g.sharrow says:

    Saturn’s day, Saturday is the proper day to celebrate nature. Leave Sunday to the christians and other Sun worshipers. Or do both ;-)
    Our offering altar is made of native stone and iron. We use nearby growing Manzanita for fire and aromatic smoke. Gas gives a sulfur smell and briquets smell of asphalt, not my idea of a pure burnt offering. Although I do use a plumbers MAPP gas torch as a “lighter”. Much quicker then my crystal ball, tinder and the sun. Blessings to all that worship the natural order of carbon, sunlight and life. pg

  33. Another Ian says:

    R. de Haan says:
    22 July 2012 at 1:20 pm
    As long as you make your church bigger than the church of the evil planet killing carbon, we’re all fine.

    If E.M. recognises those of us who qualify based on “recognition of prior learning” and “recognition of prior experience” then the Church of the Sacred Carbon could be seriously big

  34. adolfogiurfa says:

    @E.M. The best celebration or homage to carbon it is a real barbecue, where carbon meets its old companion: organic matter and boths mix in glorious odours.

  35. E.M.Smith says:


    Well, after a brief detour into LED lighting (see the posting I just made)

    The Sacred Carbon is lit, the Burnt Offering is on the Altar, and I’m about to do my second round of Wave Offerings. ( A nice White Zin)

    So, all ye here assembled, sing praise to God, the great Creator of Carbon; and praise be for all the life that the Sacred Carbon brings (and the joy in that life). Praise be to the Sun, for powering the Carbon Cycle (set in motion countless eons ago by the Creator Force) and give thanks to the trees and algae of old for granting us the bounty of energy Carbon we enjoy here today.

    All Carbon Units here assembled may now offer their own Wave Offerings and be sure that not one drop of the sacramental nectar is wasted!

    To Carbon!

  36. E.M.Smith says:


    Shhssh! It’s not a BBQ, it’s a Holy Service. You can’t get a religious exemption from various stupid laws for a BBQ. This is different. Honest. I have credentials that say so and I’ve said special words and everything…

    @Another Ian:

    There is only one requirement to join: You must find Carbon to be not evil, but the foundation of life and happiness. It helps to attend the weekly Sacred Carbon ceremonies, but they are optional. Those wishing to become Minsters can be “informal Ministers” simply by spreading the Gospel of The Sacred Carbon (and conducting their own services) or they can become formal Legal Ministers via a brief visit to the ULC link above. Ordination is fast and easy. (And legal).

    If enough folks express an interest, I’ll start keeping Church Records of those who have been formally Ordained. (For now, just drop a line here if you do…) Heck, if Three People Do It, it would be a movement… and that’s what it is, folks, The Church Of The Sacred Carbon movement….

    Special Events to be held on the equinox and solstice days… just because it’s a cool time to party… ;-)


    As we’re a Global Movement (as of the last paragraph) it’s likely that any day of the week may be suitable somewhere. I tend to Saturday most of the time ( and planned on a Saturday here, Sunday “over there” kick off but the LED thing set me back a bit) but the odd Sunday is fine too. Not big on formal rules here… As long as you praise the Sacred Carbon and do a proper Wave Offering, any day works… Oh heck, every day works too ;-)

    @Larry Geiger:

    Who said there was any sarcasm or irony here? Let me make it perfectly clear:

    While this is being done with a sense of fun and pleasure about it (what good hedonistic religion doesn’t have some of that?) I’m quite serious. I do have a legal ordainment, I can found a church, and I’ve decided, at long last, what it ought be. I’ve spent a long part of my life torn, a bit, between the ancient ways (honor to the natural world) and Christianity. I’ve now “found my way”. A fusion of the paths. I’ve found nothing in them that is inherently contradictory ( most of that comes from formal religious ‘leaders’ power grabbing… IMHO) so I see nothing to stand against it.

    Basic Tenets:

    There IS some Creator Force. Call it a God if you like. Way beyond me to pass judgment on how a Supreme Being or Super Force could chose to manifest.

    It created the laws of physics, the universe, matter and energy, and set the Sun in motion.

    The Sun powers that matter here on Earth through a Carbon Cycle to give us life. We are part of it, embedded in it, and powered by it. Call it the Will Of God or call it Creation or whatever. It is. It, and we, are based on Carbon.

    That makes Carbon essential to life, and thus essential to the Creator God’s plan for life (or the Creator Force as it works through life).

    Recognizing those fundamental truths, and celebrating the existence of our life and of the Carbon and Energy that make it all function is the basic service.

    Heck, Carbon is even special in the nuclear stability of formation.

    So “smirk not” lest ye be excommunicated… (or at least forbidden sharing of the wave offering…)

    Oh, and in my inclusive nature, one can enjoy laughing at the absurdity of life (the whole thing and all of it) while still being in awe of it and having a service to / about it. It isn’t a requirement to check your sense of mirth or joy at the door. Neither does that make it any less ‘real’ a belief or service.

    Heck, look at an armadillo and try to tell me God doesn’t have sense of humor!


    Sounds good to me. Odd, we can get real sugar Pepsi and real sugar Hansen’s natural sodas… wonder what they have against passover…

    I have a modest supply of real wood ( I’m working on my skill at getting it right with ‘all wood’, so for now I’m about 1/2 and 1/2…) and hope to do more. But I also have a few bags of charcoal to use up… This all came on kind of sudden… God works in mysterious ways…


    If you like your sausages “lightly cooked”, then boil first. If you like them Dark, crispy, and burst open from a full deep smoking, they can go on raw. All that matters is the inside gets good and hot…

    Shakers? “Communitarian” life style and celibacy? You crazy or somethin’?

    @Julian Jones:

    We depend on Carbon to live. The AGW Church has attempted to daemonize it. That is simply wrong. So all I am doing is taking steps to help the world realize the One True Way. A healthy, full, and happy life Through Carbon. ( I suggest that any who doubt the supreme power and importance of Sacred Carbon simply abstain from it for one year. Anyone who makes it to the 6 month point consuming no carbon will be a candidate for a Wake upon their passing…)


    Nice Addition! Even “smokeless” is Carbon Based…

    @John F. Hultquist:

    Gathering in a Sacred Grove has thousands of years of tradition. Go for it!

    Heck, I’ve had more Grove time than Beach time…


    Lucky for us, we don’t need “Official recognition”… That constitution thing and all..


    Official Pronouncement: “Every day is a Holy Day to be observed with the liberation of Sacred Carbon and the consumption of the offerings if so desired.”

    @Julian Jones:

    Sorry to hear about that in England…

    In my experience, soil ‘builds’ over time all on its own. Just plough in the left over stuff and let it be.

    @J. Martin:

    Son has well developed sense of humor. I’ll be inviting him to officiate when we are in the same town. Found out he was a ULC Minister long before getting ordained in his present church. No internal conflict in this family ;-)

    Oh, and the formal title is “The Church Of The Sacred Carbon”.


    Working on Angels and Daemons lists …

    Organic Garden Angels – Check.

    Hockey Stick Daemon – Check.

    Nice Sacred Ritual for treating the Burnt Offering…

    @Adam Gallon:

    Not all religions say “This one and no other!”. I specifically do not. One can be a Jew, a Buddhist, heck, even a Roman Catholic or Lutheran and still pray in The Church Of The Sacred Carbon. We are all based on Carbon, despite what else we might believe.

    @J. Ferguson:

    I’m working on Reformed Druid ;-)

    (Hey, it’s e-mail based… that’s not like real writing… ;-)

    Besides, I’m not being “ordained” as a Druid, I’m getting the Masters course about Druids. Then I’m going to incorporate any ‘good bits’… Like the grove thing… and maybe some dancing naked under the stars ;-)


    Well, looks like the Burnt Offering is a nice golden brown and has rich aromas from the Holy Smoke. Time for one last Wave Offering, then I’m off to the Sanctuary…

    “Praise be to Carbon, foundation of life, giver of health and happiness!”

  37. p.g.sharrow says:

    @E.M.Smith says:
    23 July 2012 at 12:08 am See; Universal Life Church, officially ordained.Done.
    I suppose I should bottle up and bless some 2010 wine. :-) pg

  38. p.g.sharrow says:

    @EMSmith;The Church Of The Sacred Carbon may need it’s own domain/blog. pg

  39. E.M.Smith says:


    All in the fullness of time… but yeah, I’ve thought about it…

  40. j ferguson says:

    My dyslexia (mental not optical) caused me to read the subject of this thread as Church of the Sacred Carb. Thinking then of what Carb might be, I thought immediately of carburetor, a device which might have found its way to E.M.’s favor after his recent contretemps with the Benz oil burner.

    And which carb would it be? Why the Fish, of course.

    Belief in claims made for the Fish design involved a considerable amount of faith, surely the precursor to establishment of a new religion.

    But alas. Like a lot of other things I read too quickly, it was not to be.

  41. adolfogiurfa says:

    @P.G. In the meantime you should widen its scope as “The Church of the Sacred Carbon, Oxygen, Nitrogen and Hydrogen ” The four elements of nature….the four corners of the tetragrammaton,etc.,etc.

  42. p.g.sharrow says:

    @Adlofo; have to keep it simple or the message is lost”The Church Of The Sacred Carbon” or short form, CSC might work, sounds much better then AGW.
    “Praise be to Carbon, foundation of life, giver of health and happiness!” Amen, brother… pg

  43. adolfogiurfa says:

    @P.G. How about The Church of the Sacred CONH, anyway you will need some oxygen on making your offering in such a rite traditionally called the holy “Barbecue”, and not to forget those delicious oxen meat proteins. :-)

  44. p.g.sharrow says:

    Adolfo, don’t forget the -OH ed carbohydrates for the “Wave Blessing” ;-) pg

  45. E.M.Smith says:


    As I’m fond of TLA’s… of both kinds… we’ll go with C.S.C. as the informal abbreviation and TCOTSC as the full deal…


    Sorry Adolfo, no 4-L.A. for The Church Of The Sacred Carbon. Not that oxygen, nitrogen and hydrogen are unimportant, just not a lot of “nitrogen based life” running around. (You could sort of make a case of ‘water based life’ except that it only acts as a solvent, and reaction product, not the machinery of life itself. No, life here is ‘carbon based’… Though there is increasing use of silicon over time… (grasses and diatoms both picked up on using Silicon in the last few million years… so eventually ‘silicon based life’ might well evolve…)

    BTW, I fixed your 4-L.A. to match the phrase you used earlier (so there could not be any mistake as to what the letters meant.)

  46. Pascvaks says:

    KC Holy Water

    Daughter recently went through KC on her way to Chi-Town and then brought home a little something called “Fiorella’s Jack Stack Barbecue” (KC Original Sauce) for Ma and Pa to sample. Now I know that there are a couple thousand KC outfits making Bubba-Q sauce, and that the chances of anyone here ever hearing about “Fiorella’s” is probably a little slim, but what the hay! Anyone heard of this stuff? (No, haven’t popped the cap yet;-)

  47. adolfogiurfa says:

    @E.M. just not a lot of “nitrogen based life” What? Do you think YOU and me are not enough? ….not to mention the cow´s meat on the altar.
    BTW: Open a flask of ammonia and you will attract a lot of flies…just because it is the distinctive odor of decomposing proteins. ALL FOUR ELEMENTS ARE SACRED…and this is real.
    One is the active force, the other the passive force and N the neutralizing force, while H is the Holy Spirit binding all together. No jokes at all.

  48. adolfogiurfa says:

    “The four aspects or states of every substance have definite names.
    “When a substance is the conductor of the first or the active force, it is called ‘carbon,’ and, like the carbon of chemistry, it is designated by the letter C.
    “When a substance is the conductor of the second or the passive force, it is called ‘oxygen,’ and, like the oxygen of chemistry, it is designated by the letter 0.
    “When a substance is the conductor of the third or neutralizing force, it is called ‘nitrogen,’ and, like the nitrogen of chemistry, it is designated by the letter N.
    “When a substance is taken without relation to the force manifesting itself through it, it is called ‘hydrogen,’ and, like the hydrogen of chemistry, it is designated by the letter H.
    “The active, the passive, and the neutralizing forces are designated by the figures 1, 2, 3, and the substances by the letters C, 0, N, and H. These designations must be understood.”
    “Do these four elements correspond to the old four alchemical elements, fire, air, water, earth?” asked one of us.
    “Yes, they do correspond,” said G., “but we will use these. You will understand why afterwards.”

    Click to access fragmentsof.pdf

    You see? It is quite a serious matter your “Sacred Carbon”, You have just re-discovered it!

  49. E.M.Smith says:

    After some pondering, I’ve just made a dedicated site for The Church Of The Sacred Carbon here:

    I would like to keep if more tightly focused than this site and not have a lot of political discussion nor a lot of AGW / technical discussion. That stuff goes here.

    That site ought to be dedicated to The Church Of The Sacred Carbon and any doctrinal issues about it. How to celebrate life in Carbon.

  50. adolfogiurfa says:

    Is that “church” encrypted or it is at a “soot cloud” ?

  51. E.M.Smith says:


    Neither. It is a voluntary Ministry. As such, it is not an incorporation nor is it (yet) a “Voluntary Association” in legal terms. So legally, it is “just me” as Minister holding a Ministry to anyone who wishes to listen. ( It is an e-church, if you will). Nothing is encrypted. Nothing is hidden. There is no “soot cloud”.

    Just my philosophy of life and religion being worked out in public and in the presence of friends. ( Carpers and cranks will be summarily ejected from The Church – it isn’t a place for whining and grousing or tossing stones. “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”…) so a place for positive affirmation of life, love, happiness and finding joy in being a Carbon Based Life Form.

  52. p.g.sharrow says:

    @EMSmith; Visited, read, commented and bookmarked. I will link on my blog as soon as I figure out where to put it.
    I may put a roof over my altar as creating burnt offerings in the rain is not my idea of fun. My significant other will love this weekly burnt offerings thing. Something primal in this. pg

  53. adolfogiurfa says:

    Could it be true that the “elite” members are not a “carbon based life form” but instead a Silicon based form of life so they breath fluorine instead of oxygen?, that would explain all their endeavors to rule and posses the whole organic world. Being silicon based they live as long as silicon crystals.
    ….Like those “inorganic beings” Carlos Castaneda speaks about..
    Need to get some catalyzer to convert them into a more friendly silicone oil… :-)

  54. @ John F. Hultquist

    World Leaders Lost Contact with Reality (Truth, God) in 1945

    They cannot possibly lead society in ignorance of the “fountain of energy” that made our elements, sustains our lives, controls the Earth’s climate, and powers inquisitive minds and creative talents of our most celebrated religious leaders, scientists, artists and philosophers to unanimously agree:

    Mankind’s greatest accomplishments come from this free-flowing stream of energy.


  55. G. Combs says:

    CheifIO may you have the same success with your church that L.Ron Hubbard did with his, for your thoughts are surely more pure as the sacred prophet of Carbon.

    Can I become a member too?

  56. Beth Cooper says:

    ‘Yes’ to yer Church of the Sacred Carbon, Chief, ‘a place fer positive affirmation of life, love, happiness and finding joy in being a Carbon Based Life Form.’
    Primo Levi has a similar view of carbon in the wonderful final chapter of his book, ‘The Periodic Table.’

  57. P.G. Sharrow says:

    @EMSmith: Reverend, at some point you will need a proper Offering Bowl, made of wood (carbon) of course.

    I will need to select one to offer to the Church of the Sacred Carbon, as that is what they are for. 8-) Rev. pg

  58. adolfogiurfa says:

    @P.G.: Why made of wood?, you fell short, Why not made out of DIAMONDS?

  59. John Silver says:

    All super cars are nowadays made entirely out of carbon fiber.
    Is that the why Jeremy Clarkson worships them?

  60. P.G. Sharrow says:

    @Adolfo! I’m a poor man, wood is what I have and work, and wood is naturally organic. Now if you can get me a diamond about 12×24 inches (30x60cm) I would be willing to try to carve it into a proper vessel ;-) although that might take several years. pg

  61. E.M.Smith says:

    @G. Combs:

    Anyone can become a member! If you want to become a minister, it takes about 5 minutes at the link provided…

    I know I ought to have done more with this this week, but I’ve been overloaded in other areas. Sigh. Heck, I’m even one lesson behind in my “Master Druid” class ;-)

    (But I did pick up a very good book on the history of Druids… There are some remarkable parallels with Rabbi… though the Druids are a bit heavier into the “sacrifice” thing… In terms of “function” both were more ‘teacher’ and ‘learned intercessor’ than merchant of religion. They conduct services, but do a lot of other things too.

    Ah, well. So now I’m going to be “behind” on two things instead of just one ;-)

    Per old L.Ron Hubub… I’m hoping to have a bit higher moral standard and moral compass than that…

    @Beth Cooper:

    Welcome aboard!

    @John Silver:

    Golly! Hadn’t thought of that… Fiberglass boats and carbon fiber cars as “sacred vessels” ;-)


    Perhaps a small one…


    Um, a diamond bowl would not hold much… I’d rather have a bowl of diamonds than a bowl made of diamond…

  62. pg – A while back I thought of running a Browns’ Gas generator and dropping Carbon into the flame, then condensing the vaporised Carbon to make Diamond. It might need an arc across the flame to raise the temperature that bit higher, but looks like it may work once you get the parameters right. If the condensate jet meets a turning form, then making a bowl might be also possible. It’s on the list to play with when I get the time…. Cheap energy (LENR or your own hydro) will be pretty key to make this one work, and it may take a while to get clear and not black diamond.

  63. E.M.Smith says:


    Might want to check out “vapor deposition”:

    Though I’d be just as happy with a Sapphire bowl:

    that looks a lot easier to make ;-)

  64. EM – thanks. CVD looks to be somewhat too complex for back-shed playing, and in any case I’m not starting on Diamonds (or Sapphires) till LENR and a few other projects are put to bed. Although the Browns’ Gas experiments have the flavour of non-science about them, with some outrageous claims, I think that the basics are sound and that we can produce a very hot flame that is otherwise unattainable and may thus make new technologies possible. One more tool for the back-shed, but needs some care to handle safely.

  65. P.G. Sharrow says:

    @Simon; Doing vapor deposition diamond is not high on my list of projects. Now LENR is very high, as soon as I get a handle on my present project on mass/inertia. I have been trying to keep up on that field from the first days of Fleishmen&Pons. This Rossi device looks to be a step in the right direction, although there seems to be a lot of improvements needed. He now claims stable operations of 1,000C on his nickel/hydrogen elements. These convert radioactive Ni63&65 to stable Cu, quite a feat at that. This technology may well be usable to convert any unstable isotopes to stable ones. As gama radiation is the main energies created in this reaction it would appear to me that direct creation of electric power is possible. pg

  66. John Silver says:

    Here is your chefio-mobile, behold its carbon shininess:

  67. John Silver says:

    “The Koenigsegg Proprietary Diamond Weave, fully developed by Koenigsegg, is a new and unique method to manufacture the carbon fibre material for the CCXR Trevita. By utilising this new and unique method, Koenigsegg has managed to coat fibres with a diamond finish.”

  68. pg – getting a bit off-topic of Carbon, but I think that although Rossi has devices that work, he’s a bit further off production than he implies. He’s also misdirecting people (the competition) as to how it works, IMHO. But yes, direct production of electricity should be possible.

    Veering back a bit, an LENR barbecue would probably need around 200-250°C or so, with some wood chips scattered on it to get the smoke. The offerings would still get burnt and flavoured nicely.

  69. P.G. Sharrow says:

    @Simon, if you wish to discuss this OT we can move to:
    or move to my blog. pg

  70. E.M.Smith says:

    @John Silver:

    Wow! Diamond coated car…who knew?

    @P.G. & Simon:

    Well, LENR would fit better in the other thread… on the other hand, if you can connect it to carbon ;-)

  71. P.G. Sharrow says:

    Nice burnt offering evening, complete with G/B Maibock wave offering, some to the gods and some to me. Blessings to all that contribute. pg

  72. E.M.Smith says:

    We’re about to start our “burnt offering” here… (Wave Offereing in about 2 hours ;-)

    Blessings be to Sacred Carbon and all who enjoy life through it!

  73. E.M.Smith says:

    This evening, I’ve begun a “Wave Offering” of a nice South American wine. All of $4 / bottle at the local discount food store. Not spectacular, and a bit high in sulfites (so needs ‘breathing’ time). Still, not at all hard to drink.

    “Praise be to carbon, in all its forms. Carbon, basis of life. Basis of health. Basis of happiness.”

    The particular wave offering ( Held champaign glass aloft – the better to ‘breath’ – “Praise be to carbon. Praise be to life!”) is from Argentina.

    Espiritu de Argentina 2007 Shiraz from Mendoza.

    It has a few sharp notes. Sort of a fruity pine flavor. It goes well with salty snacks and meats. Not particularly “mello” but with soft tannins. Not heavy and strong notes like a Carbernet. It would go particularly well with Chorizo or a Polish Sausage (IMHO). The ‘nose’ is not particularly interesting (or I’m just having a ‘plugged nose’ day). Nothing wrong with it, just not causing any “Oh Boy!” moments. Drinkable as is on its own, but better with a nice sharp cheese, some crackers, and some spicy sausage. It would likely go well with paella (that ought to have a bit more “bite” than the typical seafood dish) but would be a bit understated for paring with Prime Rib and would be way out of it’s depth with venison.

    “God, I love what you can do with a grape!” (Holds Wave Offering aloft!)

    For those wondering: I like to explore very cheap wines. Why? Because you can get some damn fine wine for not very much money. Many of the high priced wines are intended to be cellared for 20 years. What’s the point? So while I just LOVE the BV Georges de Latour Cabernet, I liked it a whole lot more back when I could get it for $19 / bottle and not so much at $100+ in some restaurants.

    So I like to explore the “Cheap Seats”. Yeah, you get a lot of “Ho Hum” and “What the?” along the way. Then you find a lot of “My God Man! That’s GOOD!” at low prices. Along the way, most of the experience is “Pretty good and fine for the price”. I’d put this wine in that group. (Paying $12 / bottle I’d likely be a bit reserved about it… but at the $4 price, it’s a nice wine).

    One of my mantras in life is “Life is too short to drink bad wine!”. That is true. BUT, it says nothing about what price you pay for good wine…

    OK, with that, it’s about time for me to start the marinade of our “burnt offering”. Tonight it will be a nice hormone free chicken marinaded in citrus juice (from our Tangelo Tree) with soy sauce (nothing comes close to Kikkoman IMHO) and fresh crushed garlic. I’ve not settled on an herbal theme to the marinade yet, but I’m leaning toward simple Italian seasonings. I’ve not done that particular mix of spice with liquids… but it ought to work… I think ;-0

    So, with that, time to prepare the Burnt Offering for the evening. And one last round of the Wave Offering:

    “Life is short. Waste not a moment on hate. Thank you Lord for this gift!”

  74. P.G. Sharrow says:

    One nice thing is if a $4.00 wine does not fit your palate, it will make a good base for a marinade. Being able to add to the Burnt Offering aromas with herbal essences from the garden is a great joy and blessing of the total effort. :-) pg

  75. E.M.Smith says:

    Well, the Shiraz didn’t make it to the pot… I guess that’s a good thing ;-) ( Have I mentioned that the spouse doesn’t drink so it’s ‘only me’? ;-)

    I didn’t add any herbals to the pot either. Just simple soy sauce and garlic ( 2 cloves, crushed) with a bit of freshly ground pepper). Baked, covered and turned on the 1/2 hour) makes for a fine burnt offering. (Cover off the last 15 minutes)

    But yes, I’ve used a fair amount of “too tannic” wine for a marinade. (The added tannin being a feature in a marinade or sauce).

    Ah, well. I suspect the evening will be spent with a South African wine. The neighbor sometimes sits out front and we watch the sun set… and I owe him a bottle or two… and I have this South African wine to try…

  76. Pascvaks says:

    Five years in Germany, one in the UK, taught me to appreciate wine and beer, but the older I get the more I prefer the grape over the grain. I never developed taste buds that screamed for the vintage, aged, or top shelf stuff, the House Wine (or No-Name Draft) was always “GutEnough, Danke!”. Every time I go out to dinner with the Frau and look at the Wine Karte I’m disgusted with the way Americans think of wine and what it costs. It’s NOT supposed to be something you mini-sip from a small glass for the price of a full bottle at the Class VI Store.

    Taxes! I hate TAXES! Ya can’t even find a good cheap wine in a restraunt in this country. Oh well, we still have that Chinese SuperStore.. what’s the name.. WALMART.

  77. Chuckles says:

    And which South African Wine would that be?

  78. E.M.Smith says:


    BevMo is pretty good in the value department, but the local cheap grocery has some surprising deals. “Grocery Outlet” is the name, I think. They specialize in selling what is over supplied (so any given product will be sporadic on their shelves). Still, walk the floor and about 1/2 the shopping can be done at about 40% off. (Sometimes I get to try ‘odd brands’ but they are often pretty good too…)

    In their wine department I even found some Robert Mondavi Woodbridge Cabernet (reserve) at $5 a bottle. (Often there will be an over supply of the “reserve” wines compared to the larger volume wines. It’s an odd quirk where major retailers, like Safeway or Walmart, demand a minimum scale of volume to stock a wine, so the ‘middlings’ get huge bids while the ‘rare’ has to fight for shelf space at high end places… that want the $50 BV Reserve not the $15 ‘other guy’ Reserve.) So sometimes it’s a crap shoot on a name you’ve never heard, but sometimes it is just “What? THAT is on the discount cart?”…. Since there are so many thousands of wines, many good wines that don’t have a ‘following’ are just seen as “stuff in a bottle”…

    Heck, I had a “Viticulture and Enology” class at U.C. Davis ( where most of the California winery industry gets educated… so folks who graduate with that degree are expected to make the best of the best and do it consistently…) and I can’t keep track of more than a few single digits of percentage of the total names.


    “Two Oceans” Cabernet Sauvignon 2009. (Yes, a bit young for a Cab at only 3 years old, but at something like $4 …)

    Pretty nice wine. Very drinkable, even though young. Not too tannic. (Most Cabs are intended to bottle age a long time and are very tannic when young. This one was not.) Relatively smooth and fruity, yet with that rich Cabernet flavor.

    I think they probably didn’t leave in as many stems as folks here ( who all think they are making wine to be cellar aged for years in their better wines, despite knowing that 90%+ will be uncorked on purchase…) Very drinkable. Would go well with a decent steak. I’d not put it up against a spicy dish ( i.e. Mexican ) but think it would go quite well with standard European style beef dishes. I can see having a collection of medium sharp cheddar and rich crackers with it…

    Wine origin “Western Cape”…

    It is now on my “Buy anytime” list. Not a particularly spectacular wine. Not one where, like the BV George Latour with a decade of age on the bottle you will roll it around the mouth and savor every (small) glass… and eye the two bottles left on the shelf to age another year… No, this wine is ready to fill a large goblet and be taken in large swallows, ready to say to friends “No worries, we’ll pull a few more corks! Enjoy the BBQ!” Very nice flavor with a bit more fruit and youth to it than a Formal Event Cabernet (that is typically a bit dead in the fruity notes going more for oak and smoke). A wine looking for a pool party more than a formal dining room, but one that would be happy leaving the pool to sit at the dinner table a bit later…

    I liked it more than the Esperitu de Agentina 2007 Shiraz, but for different reasons. More mellow and easier to drink solo. (The Esperitu really wanted some cheese with bite for counter point). My major complaint about drinking the Two Oceans from the glass unaccompanied was just that I kept wanting a bite of Prime Rib to give counterpoint…

  79. P.G. Sharrow says:

    In spite of the heat and smoke from brush and forest fires, we did our burnt offerings yesterday afternoon. Accompanied with a wave offering of a Blackberry Brandy that is under construction. ( ran out of beer) a bit strong, needs more blackberries and honey.
    ” Thank Carbon, most Holy, for our life in Carbon…” ;-) pg

  80. DirkH says:

    Pierre Gosselin found someone in Germany who doesn’t like your church at all, ChiefIO.

    But to me, the rituals seem strangely similar to old rituals practiced in my family for generations. So I’m fine with it.

  81. adolfogiurfa says:

    @P.G.: ” Thank Carbon, most Holy, for our life in Carbon…” may we preach you and adore you on a daily basis, consecrating to you every day big chunks of delicious meat over the most sacred fire you produce while rising big flames which defy demoniacal gravity…

  82. Steve C says:

    EM, greetings from a fellow ULC ‘Rev’ (even though the UK authorities are most unlikely to recognise any marriages, etc., that I might try performing). How very pleasant to find a Church that greets you with a smile, rather than threats of eternal damnation!

    I’m pleased to say that today I have been able to spread the Good Word by linking to this article in a comment on P. Gosselin’s site, where he was reporting on some serious sacrelige on the part of one of his countrymen:
    (Tsk tsk. Young folk nowadays have no respect.)

    Carbon be with you … in quantities adequate to the ceremony, of course …

    Bro. Steve

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