So I was pondering Religion the other day… My Son has gone off to help found a church and is now a formal Minister in his church. FWIW I’m a legally ordained minister as well; though I’ve not done much with it. Universal Life Church. For those not familiar with it, anyone can become a legally ordained minister. Just need a church that says you are one. Nice to know, though, that if an emergency wedding or funeral need broke out; I’m legal to do it and “Good To Go!” You know, post apocalypse or whatever…
All because our constitution has a legal “make no law respecting an establishment of religion” clause.
Which leads me to Part Two…
So all life on Earth is Carbon Based. We must consume carbon to live. Literally. We burn carbon to warm ourselves and preserve life. Carbon provides light and life itself.
So why not have a Church Of The Sacred Carbon?
Heck, God made us of the stuff. ‘Nuff said!
I have just signed up for a course in Druidry as well. In some months from now I can declare myself a Master of Druidry should I so desire. The basic belief structure of it (as I understand it now) is that nature and natural energy flows are sacred. This shows in many religions as “Sun Worship”. Yet what is food but sunshine stored in carbon? What is ‘fossil fuel’ but sunshine stored in Carbon? It looks to me like a very short trip from Sun Worship to Carbon as sacred.
Over the next months I’ll be working to integrate the basic truths of the Druids (much of which was knowing of the natural world) with the other Sacred Teachings of The Bible and other Sacred Texts. It will take a while, but any who wishes may join with me on my voyage of discovery.
In the honor of the launch of The Church Of The Sacred Carbon, I will be conducting a sacred “Liberation Of The Carbon” ritual this Sunday. Several pounds of solid carbon will be placed on the altar. (Kingsford brand). It will be lit afire with the Sacred Flame of Purity and allowed to form a solid red glow. At that time, some selected hard wood chips will be added ( Hickory is traditional, but I’ve got some Manzanita to try…) so that their sacred essence can also be set free in the Holy Smoke. Reminding us of our life being built on plants. Reminding us our duty to them and their care; and how they are providing for us.
At that time, the sacrificial offering is to be prepared. Only the best and most pure animals can be offered, or the best and most pure vegetables. These are to become “burnt offerings” in the pattern of the ancient Jewish traditions. (They need not be burned to ashes, just to a nice crisp crust…) Frequent anointing with the Sacred Oil ( I like herbed olive oil and anointing with olive oil is traditional…)
Wine is to be offered as a ‘Wave Offering’ – Held aloft so that it can reflect the sunshine that powers our ‘Carbon Life World’ and solemn words appropriate to the moment spoken by the minister in attendance. (If no formally ordained minister is available, I, by the legal power vested in me, grant any person who wishes to join The Church Of The Sacred Carbon the ministerial power to conduct the rituals to the best of their ability.) Hop Wine may be used if desired (even the weak fizzy kind known as Lager…) or any other Carbon containing beverage that is available. ( Beverages sweetened with artificial sweeteners are an abomination and may NOT be used as the Wave Offering. Drink them if you want, but the Wave Offering must be pure and natural carbon containing liquid. If you do consume artificial sweetened beverages, prepare a special Frozen Offering to cleanse the pallet. Sorbet is preferred, but others are acceptable as well.)
Potatoes may be roasted, or a selection of vegetable wedges may be placed on wooden / bamboo needles and, brushed with Sacred Oil (Herbed Olive oil preferred: garlic, sage, thyme, oregano…), placed over the Holy Carbon Altar ( no more than a couple of minutes – wedges of bell pepper, onion, squash cubes, whole olives, mushrooms, etc. are all acceptable. Any of God’s plants that you like, provided they are blessed during preparation.) Turn frequently and when the surface has started to show the golden color of Carbonizing, remove to the offering plate to rest for a minute.
When all the Burnt Offering has been prepared, and the Wave Offering has been waved (and the Holy Pronouncements made of the importance of Carbon and the essential nature of it to life), then the offerings are to be eaten by the assembled; sharing in the body of Carbon Life. Celebrating that we are all enmeshed in a single flow of Carbon. Taking joy in liberating that Carbon to continue on the path of Life And Liberty For All.
This Holy Communion in Carbon Life is to be repeated weekly, from this time forth, as long as possible (and rain does not prevent it.) In cases where rain or other inclement weather (that foul unholy non-Carbon blaspheme…) disrupts the Service; it may be continued indoors using other methods of Carbon Liberation. Open flame is preferred, but in cases of limited facilities, even electric heat can be used to liberate the Holy Carbon. (Much of it comes from liberating Carbon at remote sites, so is also Holy Carbon by proxy.)
If possible, for special Holy Days in particular, setting up the Holy Carbon Altar at a remote and outdoors location is to be encourage. Celebrate the natural world and natural Carbon Life! Especially if the Carbon trapped in fossil fuels can be liberated in the process of making the journey. The costs may be high, but your blessings are directly proportional to the Holy Carbon liberated. ( Especially if a beach location can be found where the Ultimate Solar Father can be worshiped by basking in His Glow, while his Son, the Son of Sun, Carbon is liberated from the ancient bondage. Returning the Fathers stored energy back to the Carbon Life World.)
With that, I urge you to prepare now for the Holy Burnt Offering of The Church Of The Sacred Carbon.
I will now hold aloft a “Wave Offering” to consecrate this moment. And Thank Carbon, most Holy, for my life in Carbon…