Announcement: I Am Running For President!

As every clown and his cousin has announced they are running for President Of The USA on the Democratic Ticket:

I hereby announce: I am Running For President on the Democratic Ticket!!!

My Platform:

1) Drug laws are STOOPID! All laws criminalizing drug use are to be abolished and all people incarcerated under them will be given a Presidential Pardon. You want to do “stupid stuff” well, hey it is your body and your life. The rest of us ought to STFU and leave you alone.

2) Prostitution Laws are STOOPID! All laws criminalizing sex for money are to be abolished. I mean, really, what is a guy being a “Good Provider” other than saying “Money for a womb for rent”? Women can make babies, men can’t. Some guy is willing to pay up for sex, well “You Go Girl!” comes to mind. Anyone in prison for prostitution or for being a “John” will get Presidential Pardon. (Realize a POTUS can not Pardon State crimes, only Federal Sorry.)

3) When did “Self Defense” turn into “Some shit in Afghanistan killed some other shit from India so we go to war”? Look, here’s my policy on defense: We are going to have so much whoop-ass that anyone who hurts our Citizens ANYWHERE in the world can talk to God about it, and I’m not kidding. TOUCH a US Citizen and you WILL Meet GOD! Other than that, go f..k each other over all you want. Not my problem. Oh, BTW, anybody so much as tests a nuke, well, I’ve got a little message for you: 10 kt over your home and anywhere you go to often. AND anyone who is suspected of being involved in your program. What? Not ‘fair’? Well, yes, you are right. It isn’t fair. Unfortunately, I don’t give a …f.. rat’s ass. Take it up with God. I think I can make my case.

4) Since when was “Freedom & Liberty” equated with “Surveillance State”? IMO anyone who has not been found GUILTY of a crime has certain rights, and among this is to be “Left the HELL alone”. Unless you can show that a person is doing something horrid, leave them the Hell Alone. No, I don’t care what you “suspect”. Evidence, or go STFU.

5) About 80% of the Federal Government is either illegal or unnecessary. I expect to get rid of it if at all possible. States are quite capable of running their own business or blowing up if they are Stoopid. (See California)… To that end, I’d run back, POTUS by President, and remove their ‘Legacy’. So EPA (Nixon IIRC) can hit the crapper. Dept. of Ed. (Carter) Toast. Don’t LIKE that? Well, then, have YOUR State enact whatever the Hell YOU want. Just don’t expect to enforce it on some State 1/2 a continent away.

6) What is this CRAP of paying a few $BILLION for some “defense contract” then cutting it back to near no product delivered and calling it a good deal? Look, you want to buy some hot airplane or tank, I got that. Issue a bid that says “$xxx Million / item. PERIOD.” and then stick to it. Cutting back from 1000 to 100 “things” and then paying the same total money is just CRAZY so STOP IT!!!

7) The idea that The Federal Government can blackmail a State via a threat to withhold funding for something based on some other thing. is just criminal. I’d end that whole “do what I want or be blackmailed” thing. I would advocate things but if States wanted to do something Stoopid, will, go ahead (BTW, no federal bail out is available).

8) Here’s my Foreign Policy: Give us shit or mess with a US Citizen (of any color or creed or religion) well, I look forward to whoever is your replacement or “whatever” replaces your country in the “Glassy spot that glows in the dark” that is where your country used to be. Just sayin’… Other than that I don’t care what crazy shit you believe. We’ll trade on a no-tariff basis and just don’t talk to me about the crazy stuff you think.

9) Federal Employees will be paid at the median value of the same job in the rest of the country. Don’t like that? Quit and move to California and we will hire someone from Montana…

I’ll come up with more as required. But my basic notion is: It is YOUR damn MONEY and I need to not toss it around loosely.

So, you want me as POTUS? I’m available. And I don’t give a shit what you do with your “sex bits” or “your money” or your body. My job is to create opportunities. Your job is to fight for them. Everything else is noise and distraction.

You want me? Make it happen. Otherwise, STFU.

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About E.M.Smith

A technical managerial sort interested in things from Stonehenge to computer science. My present "hot buttons' are the mythology of Climate Change and ancient metrology; but things change...
This entry was posted in Humor, Political Current Events and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to Announcement: I Am Running For President!

  1. Alexander MCCLINTOCK says:

    Yea! Go EMS! I’d vote for you but I live in Australia.
    Where’s the bit about CAGW and climate treaties? ;)

  2. andysaurus says:

    AM, I am also in Aus and agree 100%. Where’s the bit about telling the entire UN to go F itself?

  3. E.M.Smith says:

    Well, OK. I kind of thought it was implied, but …

    10) The U.N., being obviously a pack of Rat Bastards to anyone who can look at it and see: Has 1 year to pack up and Get The Hell Out. Any and all “Agreements” “treaties” or “whatever” that involve the UN are tossed on the dust pile of history and crap.

  4. rhoda klapp says:

    That would be a good tactic for the Dem campaign. Try to out-Trump Trump with a likeable candidate with no priors. Give the socialist wing nowhere to go without splitting the vote. Get the center by having someone free of baggage. You don’t need to get the right.

    Chances of the Dems working that out? Well, as near to nothing as makes no difference. They can’t even find anyone reasonable.

  5. Tim. says:

    Would you be PM of England as well?

  6. p.g.sharrow says:

    Interesting, I had a similar Idea earlier this week was that it was time to start a party for no longer democrat Democrats as that Party’s leadership has gone totally insane. A fair portion of the Republican Party is made up of RINO’s as well. A pox on all their houses…pg

  7. corsair red says:

    There will be an ” E. M. Smith For President ” banner on my Facebook page with a link to this platform in a just a minute.

  8. Steve C says:

    p.g. – We in the UK thought we were starting that sort of experiment, of course, with the seven “no-longer-Labour-Labour” MPs who left their party recently. Interestingly, though, they have been joined now by the worst of the Conservatives, too, which shows us all how real the “left-right divide” really is. These people describe themselves as “centrist”, a word which appears to mean “Globalist Evil Bastard”, and as “Independents”, apparently trying to conflate their position with genuinely independent candidates. (Although this does allow the rest of us to call them the Parliamentary Independent Group, or PIGs ;-)

    It is instructive to note that not one of them has done the honest thing and stood down so that a by-election could be held, to allow their constituents to re-elect them in their new guise (or, more likely, not, as well they know). Declaration of interest here: the scumbag who sits in the House for my local area is one of these (Christopher Leslie). The recent history of his relationship with the Constituency Labour Party (whose hard work put him where he is, FFS) includes this, from late last year:
    The motion passed by the CLP:
    – This CLP deplores the repeated attempts by the Parliamentary Member for Nottingham East, Chris Leslie, to undermine the leadership of our Party, culminating in the recent revelation of his involvement in a cynical plot to oust the democratically elected leader.
    – Mr. Leslie’s disloyalty and deceit is a severe impediment to Labour Party electability, and incompatible with his role as Labour Member of Parliament for Nottingham East.
    – This CLP, therefore, wish to move a vote of no confidence in our MP, Christopher Leslie.

    The vote passed overwhelmingly, maybe two or three to one. He’s that unpopular. With his colleagues. Yet still he squats in the House, claiming to represent us. (Ugh.) E.M., do you really, really want to spend your days with critters like this?

  9. gary turner says:

    “… not one of them has done the honest thing and stood down so that a by-election could be held …”

    Phil Gramm, a conservative Democrat in the US House for the 6th district of Texas resigned his seat due to conflicts with the party hiigher-ups, then ran as a Republican in a special election to fill his own vacancy. He won handily. He later won multiple terms as Senator.

    Do you mean that kind of honesty and respect for his constituency?

  10. Gary says:

    E.M.,Yes, the drug laws have been pitifully ineffective at protecting us from the undisciplined irresponsible types among us. How would you address the damage they cause — enticing kids to be like them, causing property damage and loss of life, increasing our insurance burdens, just to name the first few that come to mind?

  11. cdquarles says:

    You’d be the only national Democrat I’d ever vote for. You wouldn’t survive their system, though. You might survive the R one. In the old days, you’d be the head of the L ticket. Today, I am not so sure about that.

  12. Steve C says:

    @gary turner – Yep, that sounds like EXACTLY the sort of integrity we’re entitled to ask of our representatives. Top marks that man. I also think respectfully of John Profumo, a British MP (the Secretary of State for War, no less) who was caught in the ’60s associating with a prostitute whose other customers included staff from the Russian Embassy. Back then, that was enough. Profumo apologised to the House for his error, resigned as an MP, and devoted the rest of his life to charity work. Hard to imagine a modern MP doing that.

    @Gary – I always remember Frank Zappa’s comment on drugs: “A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole.” I miss FZ.

  13. Fred Streeter says:

    When I first voted in UK elections, the candidates’ Parties were not shown on the Ballot papers. One was supposed to vote for the person.

    Also – re drugs. When I was a Dispensing Assistant in the late 50s early 60s, if you became addicted it was not a criminal offence. Your Doctor was responsible for treating you. Your drugs were prescribed on the National Health Service. The prescriptions were Two Shillings, the drugs cost a few pennies (12 pennies = 1 shilling).

    So proper medical treatment for addicts, no profit for drug dealers, no reason for pushing drugs. Then came the Feds, to enlighten us. Thanks.

  14. E.M.Smith says:


    If you want. Don’t know if UK Citizenship is required, but I can get it for the filing of papers…


    I frequently tell folks that I’m a Kennedy Democrat or a Reagan Republican – as most of their policies and all of their economic policies were the same. I’ve not changed but the parties both moved away from me.


    No, I don’t. But I do a lot of things I don’t like because it is the right thing to do. Old fashioned, I know…

    Besides, I’d be as likely to lay a trap for them (recording that attempt at bribery or extortion) as to just quietly ignore them…


    If folks can buy their drugs at reasonable prices there isn’t any incentive to be a drug dealer or a need to steal massive amounts of stuff to pay exorbitant prices. It also takes the glamor out when folks just pity the poor bum instead of the “glory” of the “radical”…

    When I was a kid, you could by codeine over the counter (Chericol-D cough syrup for one). We had ONE guy in town who abused it. Everyone knew who he was an no kids wanted to be like him… Similarly, as a young girl in England, my Mum’s best friend had a Mum who was an herbalist. Among the herbs sold was Cannabis – for melancholy and poor appetite. I don’t remember any tales of a Marijuana Epidemic in W.W. era Britain.

    Take the “cool” and the money out of the drug trade and it goes POOF! Becomes a manageable medical problem instead.

    When anyone can go to the pharmacy and buy the drug they want (with the attached directions and scolding about overdose) and that gets noted to their doctor (for management if needed) while anyone selling on the street gets busted for lacking a pharmacist license, Well, it just isn’t a statusy thing to say “Yeah, I got busted for not having a license…” nor is it cool to have your Dr. say he needs to run a liver panel on you to see if you are doing too much…


    Yeah, I know. The Democrat Machine was so clearly rigged for Hillary it was nauseating on the face of it. It is my opinion that had they run ANYONE reasonable, we’d have a Democrat POTUS today. But The Machine was set with only one outcome. The Anointed One – Billary.

    So I’m absolutely certain there is no chance in hell that I’d ever make it past an announcement. So most likely at this point we’re already at the end of my Political Career… But we’ll see. Given the Clown Car Parade of everyone and their dog announcing, I figure my chances are as good as 90% of them!


    BINGO! Would you like an appointment as the Drug non-Czar? ;-)

  15. Another Ian says:


    Maybe it ought to be “Occasional – Cordtex”? in case you don’t know that trade name

  16. corsair red says:

    Another Ian,
    We can hope.

  17. Larry Ledwick says:

    Yeah but can you beat this speech.
    President Trump at CPAC today.

  18. philjourdan says:

    First the disclaimer: Take this in the same vein as the article is written,

    The platform is STOOPID!

    Ok, only part of it. And I agree with most of it. However 7 kills most of it as well (and that is the part I love 2nd most!). The US is kind of like a commonwealth. The ONLY control it has over its subject states is the power of the purse! (repeal 16 first). So you cannot “dictate” to the rest of the country on the one hand and then say you will not use the power of the purse on the second hand. The ONLY way you can dictate to the states IS through the power of the purse! SO either ditch 1 and 2 or kill 7.

    3 and 8 are the same. Redundant. I like 8 better. Ditch 3

    6 relates back to my first objection. Get rid of the purse and then you do not have money to pay for things you cancel.

    4 & 5 also are a symptoms of power of the purse. So yes, kill the power of the purse.

    Finally 9 – AMEN! During the last shutdown, I felt no empathy for the cretins. My reaction was “welcome to the real world”. Where layoffs (I have had 3) are common and raises NOT guaranteed! Time for them to learn about the real world. And stop sucking at the teat of the people.

    And then #10? Let them stay. Just stop paying them. Then they will have the funding to match their effectiveness.

    Do so, and I will vote democrat for only the 2nd time in a presidential race.

    Now back to the circus of now (11?) declared candidates.

  19. Alexander MCCLINTOCK says:

    If anyone is interested in what happens when Drug Enforcement is managed in a better way, look up Portugal where the law was changed. My reading is that virtually everything has improved but drugs are still used, ‘tho at a much lower level

  20. M Simon says:

    Too much government held Rome together and accelerated its decline. Contradictory? Read an explanation ==>

    The Collapse of Complex Societies by Joseph Tainter – pdf. The good stuff starts in Chapter 4.

    Click to access tainter.pdf – about 3 minutes

    Marginal returns decline. The good ore gets used up. You have to drill deeper for oil. And government, especially government, gets more complex and expensive.

  21. YMMV says:

    5 & 9. “Quit and move to California and we will hire someone from Montana…”
    Even better, move DC to Montana. Decentralize DC!

  22. H.R. says:

    @YMMV – Better still, move DC to North Dakota and cut their salaries to adjust for the lower cost of living.

  23. Chris in Calgary says:

    > Take the “cool” and the money out of the drug trade and it goes POOF! Becomes a manageable medical problem instead.

    That may have been true 70 years ago. But drugs these days are much more addictive. Between dark-web chemists, pharmaceutical multinationals, and marijuana cross-breeders, producers are coming up with drugs that many people can’t handle on even one exposure.

    You can’t take the money out of the drug trade because drug cartels will simply generate more potent drugs until they have something that keeps their money train going. Fentanyl is a good example: it’s so toxic it regularly kills people, yet cartels still produce it because it makes them money in the short term.

    This is close to being an intractable problem, and sadly it’s not going to get better any time soon.

  24. Saighdear says:

    Good MOrning! Have you slept well or taken leave of your senses? Big ;-) Ah that was good. That’s how I feel too – just wouldn’t have been so colorful in the description – but nowadays it seems it’s waht you say / use to get the point across. ….mmm My Pal, Donal-John of the Isles – you want to displace him next time around – that is the problem – isn’t he trying to do that all already? – or maybe not so severe – aha yes, I think i SEE – RUN ON THE DEM TICKET FOR NOW and see how it gtoes.. good idea. We’re needing that here in the uk too. Get really SO ANNOYEd when our little fish tries to get us to punch above our weight.

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